My All
by FanOfHan
Summary: Sequel to Important Information. Han's recovery is going well and his life is slowly returning to normal. But something lurks in the depths of his soul that could destroy him and everything he holds dear. Adult situations and disturbing material.
1. A good recovery

"Well, Your Highness, looks like you managed to keep me around a little while longer."

Leia Organa laughed, ignoring the nickname as she remembered a conversation from long ago and replied with the expected retort.

"I had nothing to do with it," she said, taking his hand. "Doctor L'Jhad thinks it's dangerous for any patients to leave their beds."

A smile graced Han Solo's weary countenance as he settled back into the pillows she was arranging to support him.

Weeks in hospital, recovering from torture, had almost repaired his body but weakened his spirit. It was only Corellian stamina, masculine endurance and pure Solo stubbornness that had saved him, according to Han's doctor. But now he was in their home on the almost tropic outskirts of Coruscant; prescribed bed rest, yes, but home.

"That's a good story," he nodded. "I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me outta your sight."

She bent and brushed a kiss over lips that were almost healed and then, in a voice that was as low and (gently) sultry as she could make it, she said,

"Alright, General; you got me."

Han's smile vanished and his expression grew serious.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

She kissed his cheek and turned as Doctor L'Jhad walked in.

"I'm done clearing away my equipment. I'm going to leave the heart monitor and the IV drip so you can monitor his progress. Is there anything you'd like me to leave?"

Leia was about to tell L'Jhad that there would be no need but Han rasped softly.

"Uh, Sometimes, at night, I…I need the oxygen."

Leia looked down at him, puzzled, and Han pointed stared at Dr L'Jhad.

"That's fine. And I'll be back tomorrow to check on you. Alright?"

Han grinned as best he could and nodded.

"Thank you, Doctor," Leia smiled and took her hand. "You've been of great help to us both."

"Well," L'Jhad replied modestly, spreading her hands. "I really didn't do all that much myself. You, General Solo, should thank the stars you're Corellian."

She looked to Leia.

"And now I think I'll leave you to rest. You've had a long two months."

Han nodded again as L'Jhad opened the door.

"Hey, Doc?"

Han's voice, raised, was barely audible and hardly differed at all from what was currently his normal voice, but L'Jhad heard him nonetheless and turned.

"Yes?"

Han shrugged and looked down at his feet.

"Uh…Thanks…You know?"

L'Jhad's mouth turned up barely perceptibly at the corners.

"You're welcome, General. Excuse me."

Han waited until the door had closed and then tightened his hold on Leia's hand.

She smiled warmly at him where he half sat, half lay propped up by the pillows, blushing a little under the gaze that seemed to be scrutinizing everything.

"What?" she asked, a little embarrassed

His eyes sparkled.

"You."

He tugged her hand a little and lifted his chin in silent request. She sat beside him and waited until he lifted his arms clear of the bed, and then, gently so as not to disturb the wounds, she slipped her arms under his back and drew him forward into her embrace, his arms wrapping about her waist as she kissed him gently. She had been going to simply touch her lips to his and then hold him for a while, but he deepened the kiss almost immediately, opening his mouth to accommodate hers with a soft sigh of contentment.

Leia opened her eyes as they kissed and looked at Han's face, which was now drawn into a concentrated frown. She smiled.

Han felt it and pulled away.

"What?" he asked.

"You," she answered, twitting him with his own phrase, reaching up to stroke the back of his head. "You always concentrate so hard."

The frown on Han's face deepened and the concentration vanished, but she smiled.

"You're so beautiful."

Now he looked puzzled.

"That's a new one," he murmured.

Leia waited a moment, then raised her head and kissed his forehead, letting her lips rest there for a while, until Han nuzzled into her neck. She tightened her hold on him, one hand on the back of his head, holding him, keeping him, protecting him.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I know," she said softly. "I love you too."

They remained that way for quite some time, until Han relaxed completely and his breathing deepened. Leia shifted her position so that she could rest against the headboard, and then settled herself with him to listen to him sleep.

Han was extremely frustrated when Leia came back later that day. He was apparently trying to finish a meal, but trying to start a meal would have been more appropriate.

She watched him for a moment. He was still too weak to support himself and was having a great deal of difficulty supporting anything else.

After a while, she stepped forward.

"Hungry?" she asked.

Han nodded.

"Can you move?"

Han tried.

"Ow," he whispered.

"Never mind," she said gently. "Come here."

She slid her hand under his head and lifted it, and then she began to feed him.

After the meal, which was little more than nutritional mush, he sank back into the pillows. It had been an embarrassment being unable to feed himself and instead having to be fed by Leia, but at least it was someone he knew he could trust. He had received the same sort of treatment in hospital on more than one occasion, but the way Leia did it was different. As though she really cared and wouldn't do anything to hurt him.

"Goodnight, Han," she whispered as his eyes began to close.

"G'night," He murmured.

Leia was still in the chair by Han's bed, sleeping, safe in the knowledge that nothing would happen to Han if she did sleep.

Outside, the rain, so heavy it was almost tropical, lashed at the windows in sheets and the lightning broke the night with flashes and rumbles.

Leia frowned in her sleep and her eyes opened slowly. She lifted her head off her hand and watched Han. His eyes were open and it startled her.

"Han?"

"Did I wake you?" He whispered.

"No. Why are you awake?"

Han glanced at the window.

"The storm. And…I thought I saw someone, outside, on the balcony. About a half hour ago. Probably just the after effects of whatever I was sedated with. I wouldn't worry about it."

He stretched an arm toward the hook by his bed and Leia saw that he was reaching for the oxygen mask.

"Here," she whispered, getting it down for him.

He took it from her, fumbling for a moment before he managed to get it over his mouth and nose. She secured the strap behind his head and supported his head with her hand while he made himself comfortable.

Once he was done, his eyes were already half shut and, as his head sank back into the pillows, they flickered and closed.

Leia reached out to stroke his face and then she put her head back down on her hand, closing her eyes as she did.

Sunlight was making its way into the room when Leia opened her eyes the next morning. At first, she closed her eyes again, tired from lack of sleep, but then she remembered why she'd been staying awake.

She looked to the bed. Han was still fast asleep on the pillows with one arm over his stomach, the other by his side. His head was turned away from her.

She watched him in silence for a while, the only sound being that of Han's now deep and regular breathing. Han's fingers flexed in his sleep and he turned his head towards her, still lost in peaceful dreams.

The door opened across the room and she turned to see Dr L'Jhad.

"How's he doing? He seems to be sleeping better. I see he still needs the oxygen."

Leia frowned.

"Yes. He…He never told me he needed oxygen at night."

The Doctor nodded.

"I suspected as much from the look he gave me yesterday. I left it up to him to tell you. He told me he would but I'm not surprised he didn't. He was ashamed."

Leia stroked his forehead gently. His head turned a little and, even under the mask she could see the corner of his mouth turn up into the smallest of smiles.

"Ashamed of what?" she asked.

L'Jhad waited until Leia looked at her.

"Of his 'weakness', in his own words," she whispered.

Leia shook her head.

"Weakness? I'm beginning to think I'll never understand him."

"He is determined not to appear too needy. He knows how important your work is to you."

"He told you that?"

"Partly. But he is more easily readable than he would like to admit, though he knows it inside his heart. The things he says, the things he does not…The things he does not mean to say…He loves you more than anything, and the last thing he wants is to cause you any more problems."

"Oh, Han," she whispered. "Why can't you see we can face these problems together?"

L'Jhad touched Leia's shoulder.

"His life signs have been steady for several weeks now. I'm going to unhook him but it appears that the oxygen is doing him good. I will leave it with you. I don't see a reason to check up on him tomorrow. I'll come back in...oh…three days and hopefully I should be able to reduce his medication, but until then, keep an eye on him. He'll be weak for a while yet. But he knew that when he asked me to treat him this way."

L'Jhad was referring to Han's refusal for modern medical techniques. Once he had regained consciousness he had insisted that he be allowed to recuperate without bacta or synthflesh. Leia had given her permission. She understood his reasoning; he felt weak and vulnerable and wanted to prove he was anything but.

"I will. When is he allowed solids again? He keeps telling me how disgusting the mush is."

"Mush?"

"Erm, the nutritional supplement. He calls it mush."

L'Jhad chuckled quietly.

"That does not surprise me either. A few days, perhaps a week."

Leia nodded.

"I must wake him, Your Highness. I need to make sure."

"Of course."

L'Jhad walked up to the bed and pressed her hand to Han's shoulder.

"General?"

After a few seconds, Han's eyes opened and, once they had focused, he did his best to grin.

"Mornin'," he mumbled groggily, and then swiped a hand at the oxygen mask.

L'Jhad removed it for him and helped him sit up.

"You have been, I must say, an extremely cooperative patient. I was given to understand that you were no end of trouble. Or is it just that you cannot fight back yet?"

"Oh," Han rasped, "it wouldn't…stop me if…I didn't…like you."

"Ah, good. Then at least I am doing something that you feel is to your benefit."

Han grunted the affirmative and then explained as L'Jhad examined his back and the healing wounds there before applying antibac-salve.

"You're…different. You…don't hurt me, you're…gentle. And…you understand."

L'Jhad glanced at Leia but said nothing.

"Alright," she said a few minutes later when her examination was complete and the wires and drips had been disentangled and removed. "You're recovery is proceeding without problems. You ought to be fine again in a few weeks. I'll see you both in a few days. Until then, rest, General Solo. You need it."

Han nodded.

"When can I…get up?"

He looked at her and, when she looked at Leia, he did too.

"If you are careful, General, and only if, then I see no reason you may not leave your bed today."

"Great!" he said, barely able to force the words past his lips. "What about food?"

"Not yet."

"Ugh," Han groaned. "Mush, mush, mush."

L'Jhad smiled again and, after a few more minutes, left quietly. Han was staring at Leia.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked, reading the unasked question in his eyes.

"Just…I dunno…outside? I been…inside for…weeks now."

Leia hesitated and then gave in.

"Alright," she said, drawing back the covers. "Let's get you dressed."

"No," said Han quite suddenly.

Leia looked at him.

"I…wanna do it…myself."

"Leia?" said Han's voice from the doorway.

Supporting himself on the doorframe and dressed in a loose pair of dark trousers and an open white shirt, Han stood unsteadily.

"Come here and sit down," said Leia, patting the cushion of the chaise-longue.

"Just a second," said Han quietly, swaying slightly.

Leia stood, concerned

"Han?"

Han pressed one hand to his stomach and his eyes closed.

"Han?"

Han's hand slipped off the door frame and he fell forward. Leia ran, grabbing hold of Han before he collapsed, shocked at how easily she could support his emaciated frame.

She then moved forward with Han toward the Chaises-longue and lowered him into it.

"Thanks," Han mumbled tiredly, lying back into the cushions.

He was still very hypohaemic and found it difficult and painful to move.

"You hungry?" asked Leia.

Han took a deep breath through his nose.

"No," he replied, keeping his eyes closed and frowning as he spoke.

Every word drained him further.

"Is it my cooking?"

Han smiled and gave a single, soft exhalation by way of a laugh and immediately regretted it. He began to cough and his expression turned to a grimace. Leia took his hand and he pressed his free hand to his head again.

When he had finished coughing, he kept his eyes tightly shut.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?"

"Positive," Han mumbled. "I could…use a drink though."

When she came back, Han was still propped up as they had left him, eyes closed. She sat down next to his waist on the chaise-longue and he opened his eyes.

"Hey," she smiled.

He gave her his trademark half-smile back.

"Hi."

"I brought you some _Niersch_."

Han smiled. He knew she practised her Corellian despite the fact that he had told her he didn't mind when she sometimes got it wrong. And those sometimes were becoming fewer and fewer. But then, it was he himself who had taught her to pronounce Niersh on a mission they had shared to Corellia, years before.

She raised the glass to his lips and he drank quietly.

"What time is it?" he whispered once he had drained the glass.

"Ten o'clock," she replied softly, checking her wrist chrono.

Han looked at her wrist.

"Didn't I buy you that?" he asked, yawning mid sentence.

She nodded and lifted her arm. Han hesitated.

"Come on, Han," she said soothingly.

Very slowly and very gingerly, Han moved into the hollow of her arm and closed his eyes. He smelled slightly of the antiseptic and, oddly, almost like a baby - an unusual, milky smell as his body recuperated – but beneath it was the familiar comforting smell of his skin. Leia could feel that he was cold and, with great care, she placed her hand under the right side of Han's shirt and examined his abdomen.

It was at this point that a part of Han was glad he'd left his shirt undone. 

She lowered her hand gently onto his stomach and traced her fingers through the soft, dark hair avoiding the now not-so-numerous white patches of gauze.

Han felt suddenly very comfortably drowsy, and, because he knew that for now he had nothing to fear, nothing to stay awake for, he let her continue. Leia felt him gradually relax in her arms.

And, as they lay there together, Han drowsing, Leia wide awake, Han heard the soft rumble of thunder over their heads, and thought he only imagined it until a scattering of warm rain soaked through his sleeves and ran down his face. It was not an unpleasant sensation.

More thunder and he, subconsciously, huddled closer into her, almost asleep but awake enough to know that even though he was tired, in pain, weeks from restored health and soaked by Coruscant's rain, he was with her, and he felt safe.


	2. Guess who's coming to dinner

"Mmm," said Han through a mouthful of Corellian stew.

"How can you eat that like that?"

She was referring to the incredible speed with which he was making the fiery meat disappear while she allowed her mouth to cool enough to nibble the edge of a vegetable.

"I'm hungry! I've had nothin' but gray slime for the past two and a half months!"

She laughed softly and took a mouthful of water to ease her burning tongue. Han seemed to be having no trouble, but then, he was used to this.

"You're gonna be sick."

"I've been sick for the past two months. Now I want food. Real food."

"Slow down."

Han shook his head.

"Uh-uh," he mumbled. "Make me."

She grinned and stood up.

"Make you what? Forget your food?"

"Yeah," Han nodded, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin, then throwing it onto his now empty plate and slouching back in his chair with a satisfied sigh as he pushed back from the table.

She walked slowly around the table, swaying her hips as she went, and lowered herself onto his lap.

"Ooh," he said quietly, his smile vanishing, and he shifted his hips uncomfortably.

"Sorry!" she said, jumping to her feet as his eyes closed in a wince. "Oh, Han."

" S'okay," he grunted. "Just gimme a sec."

He moved his legs a little, shifted his hips again and then moved his arms back.

"Okay," he said, the smile returning and she sat down again, slowly in case she should hurt him further, but he just grinned and held her close.

She noticed, as he did, that he was getting much of his strength back and she snuggled as close as she could get. He kissed the top of her head and sighed again.

"Han?" she said, as casually as she could manage.

"Yes?" he said cautiously after a long pause.

"I thought you might like…a little company or…"

"Aw, Princess," he murmured. "I got company already."

Damn. Why didn't I ask first? she thought.

"So I…um, I invited Luke over. He'll be staying for a few weeks; he has work to do. He gets here tonight."

"Oh," he answered.

Leia bit her lip. Perhaps he wasn't as ready for visitors as she thought he was.

"Oh….Okay, well, I could always tell him-"

"What? No! No, no! I was just tryin' to figure what we could cook for him."

Leia turned her head to look at him. His brow was furrowed in concentration.

"Can't do the stew; he's too used to that shipboard food; my stew'd kill him. He doesn't like the tubers I do; I tried him with 'em once – we both regretted that for days. I'm not doin' the traditional homecoming meal."

"Why?"

" 'Cause I don't know how."

Leia laughed.

"Oh, I know!" he said suddenly, with such enthusiasm and vigor that she almost fell off his lap. "I'll do _Juanejtilia_!"

Leia smiled, recalling the trouble she had had when learning that word and the patience with which he had taught it to her.

"He likes that?"

Han stared at her with mock sternness.

"And you're meant to be his sister! I made a sweet salad for him once, on that mission to Delina that time. You remember?"

"Oh yes!" she whispered with a grin. "Gods, he went on about your cooking for days!"

Han grinned.

"I make a nice sweet salad."

"You make nice everything," she nodded. "I'm really very lucky, you know. Not only am I with a man who's good at cooking but he enjoys it, too."

"I'm lucky, too," he said with a soft chuckle.

"Oh?"

"I got you."

Leia turned her head and kissed him softly, turning her body to follow it after a few seconds until she was more comfortably settled to kiss him. She snaked her arms around his neck and pressed her body to him, sliding one leg either side of his and grinding her hips slowly. After a few minutes of this, however, she pulled away, glanced down pointedly, and raised an eyebrow.

"What's up?" she asked.

Han sighed.

"Nothing," he replied honestly.

"Mmm," she replied. "I can see that. Why not?"

He shrugged.

"Dunno. Must be lack of practice."

She grinned and slid off his lap to stand in front of him.

"Let's see if we can remind you, shall we?"

She leant forward and kissed him, slowly, and then she drew away for long enough to move her head before kissing his chin. Then she kissed his neck, pushed his collar open and kissed his chest, and kept going until, finally, she was kneeling down.

Han, she saw when she looked up at him, had let his head rock back and his eyes were half closed.

She ran her hands up his thighs and he shivered a little. She knew he would enjoy this; it had been months since he had last had any kind of pleasure, of that she was sure.

But when she unfastened his belt and leant forward, he gasped and moved away sharply.

Leia stared at him. Since when had he ever shied away from this?

"Wh…What's wrong?"

His eyes were wide and his breathing had quickened. He shook his head.

"You…I…"

She nodded, waiting for an explanation.

"I'm, uh…I'm gonna clear up the dishes, okay?"

And he took their plates out into the kitchen, leaving her dumbfounded for a moment.

She followed him into the kitchen.

"Han! Han, talk to me! What's the matter?"

He swallowed hard as he turned to look at her.

"It hurts."

Leia stood, open mouthed.

"I'm sorry," she eventually managed. "I didn't know! Why didn't you tell me?"

He shook his head and stood.

"It didn't occur to me. What in hells..?"

He was across the room and by the window before she could ask what the problem was.

"Han?"

Han leant on the windowframe and craned his neck, as though he were trying to see outside.

"Did you see that?"

"See what?" she asked, exhasperatedly.

"There was someone here, outside, lookin' in. Are you sure you didn't see who it was?"

Leia walked over to the window and stood next to him. He walked to the other side, obviously to try for a better view.

After a few minutes, when he was determined they whoever it had been was not coming back, he tunred to her.

"Listen, I'm beat. I'm gonna turn in."

She let him go.

But she couldn't help feeling something was wrong.

"Hey!"

Luke found himself suddenly grasped in a rough embrace and grimaced.

"Nice to… feel you're…getting your…strength…back, Han," he said, in a voice that was somewhat strained.

When Han released him, he stepped back to ensure he wouldn't grab him again, and grinned, wheezing softly.

"Sorry, Kid."

Luke punched his shoulder.

"Would you stop callin' me 'Kid', ya pirate?"

Han laughed, then held out his hands in mock indignation.

"And throw away the memories of the good old days?"

Luke nodded, closing his eyes.

"Of course, of course, my apologies. I forget how much you enjoyed saving my behind."

"Well if you hadn't needed it so much, Kid-"

"And who is it usually saves your behind these days?" asked Leia's voice from the doorway.

"Hello, Leia," Luke said warmly, and hugged her, too. "How are you both?"

Leia glanced at Han.

"We're good," she decided.

She made as if to slip her arm around Han's waist but he must not have noticed; he moved away before she had a chance.

"So, Kid," he said, deliberately emphasising the nickname, "Wanna drink?"

Luke cocked his head.

"I shouldn't…"

"Go on! One ain't gonna kill you. I ain't gonna drink it and I don't want it going to waste."

Luke looked up at the taller man, a puzzled frown creasing his features.

"Han Solo, not drinking?"

"Medication, otherwise I'd be under the influence right now."

"Ah," Luke nodded.

"Come on, Luke. Have a spice brandy for me, huh?"

Luke shook his head in apparently reluctant acquiescence.

"Alright, but just the one."

"Now that's more like it!" Han beamed at him. "You can have another with your Juanejtilia."

"You made sweet salad?" Luke asked. "Great!"

"Can I ask you something?"

Luke, who had been examining one of the display cases dotted about the room, turned to face Leia, feeling her unease.

"What is it?"

Leia glanced over his shoulder and Luke turned too. Han was busy ensuring that the Rienia did not boil down too much while trying to keep the fried conefruit from burning. And he was doing a remarkably good job.

Which meant he wasn't paying any attention to them.

"I…I think he's hiding something. He wouldn't tell me when he needed oxygen and he didn't tell me he was still in pain. If anything happens I-"

Suddenly, there was an almighty crash from the kitchen.

They both spun about to see that Han was flat out on the kitchen floor and rushed to him together, reaching him at about the same time.

"No!" he mumbled quietly as they knelt beside him and made as if to lift him. "Please, it's just the meds; they make me dizzy; I just fell over. Leia could you stop the conefruit burning?"

"What?"

Luke frowned, then looked at her.

"Yeah, Leia," he said, exaggerating the words, glancing pointedly at Han as he did. "Could you?"

She was puzzled. What on earth was he trying to convey to her?

But she stood – for there had to be a reason he wanted her to – and turned down the heat on the conefruit. When she had moved them onto the counter and turned back Luke was helping Han onto his feet again. 

She stepped forward, arms outstretched, to take his arm, but he moved away from them both again.

"Really, I'm fine, it was just the medication. Come on. Let's eat, huh?"

"But-"

Luke held up a hand out of Han's view to curtail her protest.

Wait he said in his mind, knowing she could hear it. Later.

When they sat down to dinner, Han served the food and sat down without mentioning the kitchen and began to make Smalltalk as though nothing had happened.

"I ain't got much work done recently. You can probably guess that just from lookin' at me. But what about you? You look like you've been busy yourself."

After dinner, Luke offered to help Han wash the dishes.

"Han," he said, halfway through drying the frying pan. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah," said Han, far too quickly. "Like I said; just the meds."

"If you say so. But that wasn't entirely what I meant, Han. You know I'm here if you want to talk."

"I know. But I'm good, Luke."

He turned and looked at him, face suddenly serious.

"I'm good."

"I'm gonna go to bed," said Luke, pulling himself out of his chair with a groan. "Is that alright?"

Han laughed.

"That's fine, Kid. You know where your room is, yeah?"

"Yeah," Luke chuckled. "Oh, Leia, could I have a minute?"

Leia stood and followed him, a little puzzled.

"It's Han," he said, glancing over at Han, who was now staring absently out of the window. "I want you to help me just…keep an eye on him, alright?"

Leia nodded.

"I was planning to do that anyway."


	3. A voice at the back of your mind

Leia stirred a little as he brushed the strand of auburn hair from her sleeping face, caressed her cheek, watched her sleep, moving her head against his warm palm with a soft sigh.

"Han…" she murmured, and for a moment he feared he had woken her, but instead a dreamy smile played on her lips and her body wriggled for a moment beneath the crisp white sheets.

This drew another smile from him, playful but protective. She was dreaming, about him, and it sounded as though she were thoroughly enjoying herself, as he did when he dreamt of her.

But something whispered at the back of his consciousness, at the edges of his perception, something frightened him from the depths of his soul. Something was telling him that they should not have any secrets from one another any longer, not now they were promised to one another.

The whisper grew into a murmur, and he fought to ignore it, but still it persisted. He stared at her stunningly beautiful face, serene and devoid of all anxiety, tried to block the murmur out. But the little voice laughed at his ineffective endeavor and, voicing his darkest fear, it whispered,

_She still doesn't know, does she?_

When Leia's eyes opened, she found herself staring at empty bed space, and she looked at the bedside chrono for fear she had overslept.

But the chrono read seven. She had not overslept. In fact, she was awake half an hour early. So where was Han?

She got up, straightened her nightdress and pulled on her robe.

Where would he be so early? Lately he hadn't been getting up until late morning because of his recuperation and the medication he'd been given to aid and compensate. Seven in the morning had been a time of day he hadn't seen for months.

"Han?"

No answer.

She walked past Luke's room. He was still asleep – she could tell without checking. Han…Han was a different matter. She could very rarely tell just where Han was. Her link with the force was not yet strong enough to find him through the barrier of arrogance that usually surrounded his mind.

When she reached the living room, she found him on the sofa, stretched out and fast asleep, a datapad in one hand.

"Han?" she said quietly.

His eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright.

"Leia!"

"Easy," she laughed, shaking her head. "It's just me."

That only seemed to fluster him more.

"Sorry."

She took another step toward him and he took another step back.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Uh…I remembered late last night, after we went to bed; I had work I needed to do. I must've fallen asleep halfway through it."

She had the distinct feeling he was lying.

"You haven't had chance to get any work; you've been ill for months."

She could see the panic register in his eyes although he kept his face unreadable.

"I…It was from before. You know I had a conference before we left."

_You're good, Han, but what are you hiding?_

"It was a briefing, Han, they don't hand out assignments."

"No, Rieekan asked me to out the mission brief down in writing."

That was it. He had her. That was a perfectly valid excuse, even though they both knew he was lying.

"Oh, Kest," Han muttered, and Leia realized he had glanced at the chrono.

It read about quarter to eight.

"I'm gonna be late."

"Late?" she said. "For what?"

"Medic appointment? I get to have my final checkup today."

"Oh! Right!"

When she didn't move he said,

"You're driving? I'm not allowed to until the doctors give me the go ahead."

"Oh!"

And she ran back into the bedroom.

"Han?"

The voice startled him.

"Luke?"

He turned to find Luke standing in another doorway. How had the Kid managed to get over there?

"Yeah, Kid."

"What's the matter?"

Han's expression darkened and Luke sensed a deep feeling of unease and suppression roll down about his consciousness. Han was evidently unaware anything at all about his appearance had changed for his voice was light, if a little strained.

"What makes you think anything's the matter?"

Luke motioned to the lightsaber clipped to his belt and raised an eyebrow.

"Jedi, remember?"

Han stared at him defiantly for a moment longer and then dropped his gaze.

"Ask me again sometime, huh?"

"You admit there's something wrong?"

Han nodded.

"And you give me your word to tell me sometime?"

A cocky grin plastered itself across Han's face, almost convincingly.

"Smuggler's honor."

At that moment, Leia walked back in looking remarkably neat for someone who had dressed in less than five minutes.

"Alright, Han, I'm ready."

"Good. Uh…Hey, Luke?"

Luke turned and looked at him.

"Yes?"

Han shrugged.

"You wanna come along for the ride? Get anything you need while we're downtown?"

Leia stared at him.

"What?" she said before she could stop herself.

Han's head turned sharply and she realized instantly that she was in grave danger of upsetting him.

"I mean…I thought…"

Han narrowed his eyes and looked back to Luke.

"Well?"

"Yes, I think I might come along."

Han's grin somehow looked relieved.

"Alright. Well, I'm late as it is."

"Yes," said Leia, watching them both as they walked out ahead of her. "Let's go."

"Well, I think you should stay on the medication for another week or so, but I see no reason for you to return here."

Dr L'Jhad washed her hands in the small sink by the window and turned to face him, smiling.

"Great!" Han sighed.

Leia, seated beside the examining couch Han was sitting on agreed with a similar comment. Luke said nothing. He was just as surprised as Leia that Han had asked them both to accompany him into L'Jhad's exam room.

"Just the last tests as usual. Blood contents, blood pressure, those things, alright? Then you can put your shirt back on and go home."

"Sure," said Han, nodding. "No problem."

Leia sat in silence while Doctor L'Jhad checked Han's blood pressure which was, she was happy to announce, normal. His pupils were responding as they should, and his eyesight was phenomenal as usual. His hearing was fine, as was his breathing. And sensation in his back seemed to be returning.

"Ah, that's cold!"

The problem came when L'Jhad moved to administer an antibiotic before she came to draw blood.

She dabbed a disinfecting anaesthetic onto the inside of Han's elbow. Then she stretched the skin to make the vein more prominent.

Then she picked up the hypodermic needle.

"Alright," she said. "Antibiotic first. This might hurt a little."

But Han only half heard her words, hearing fully instead a different voice.

_'This will hurt, General Solo. A great deal. You may even cry out'._

The needle looked to Han about twice as big as it should, and he watched her turn the needle upside down and tap it, expelling some of the liquid and any air bubbles that might have collected, and swallowed hard.

The end was sharp and looked as though she could push it right through his arm if she so pleased.

Once she turned it needle down again, a drop of the antibiotic had become suspended from the end of the needle. Han could see everything in the room through it, contorted and twisted.

"Ready?" she asked.  
_  
__'I've always wanted to make you scream.'_

She didn't wait for an answer.

Han froze completely in fear. That needle was going to be agony – he knew it! He had to get away! But there was nowhere to go, nowhere to run to!  
_  
__'Lytisil Verithinine.'_

L'Jhad managed to get within about two feet of Han when suddenly, Luke jumped to his feet and rushed forward.

Han fainted.

When Han next heard voices, he couldn't remember just what it was that got him in this state in the first place. He could remember up to the needle, but beyond that was a blank.

His eyes flickered open and he saw three concerned faces staring down at him.

"What happened?" he asked. "Am I still at the doctor's?"

"Yes," Leia's voice answered him.

Then Luke's voice answered his first question.

"Han, you fainted."

"I…I _what_?"

"You fainted," said L'Jhad. "Fear of needles, Han?"

"Are you crazy?" he laughed, stirring to find he was lying on the examination couch. "I'm not afraid of needles!"

"I'm sorry but it seemed to be the most logical explanation; you broke out into a sweat, you grabbed the sheet and your knuckles went white, your breathing became erratic and you got dizzy before you fainted."

Han frowned and looked at Luke.

Luke shook his head.

"I don't know, Han," he said. "I could feel you were afraid, definitely. I just couldn't tell why. The needle would make the most sense."

"It can't be the needle," Han reasoned, getting a little angry now. "I was fine before. Why now!"

"Calm down," L'Jhad said placatingly, resting a hand on his shoulder to prevent him sitting up. "There's a reasonable explanation for it all, I'm sure. Has your medication been making you dizzy?"

"Yes," said Han.

Luke flinched. Leia saw. Was he lying?

"Han," she said. "Are you sure it's your medication?"

Han glared at her and Luke so fiercely that Luke averted his gaze and Leia took a step back.

"I'm positive," he said through gritted teeth.

"Then I'll change the medication," L'Jhad said hastily. "That should stop the problem."

"Good," said Han harshly, snatching his shirt up.

He hadn't heard that voice again. He couldn't have. Could he?


	4. Unwanted Visitors

"Han?"

Han took a moment before he answered, absorbed in what he was typing on the datapad.

"Yeah, Kid?"

"Han, look at me please."

Han frowned.

"Look, Kid, I'm busy, okay?"

Luke sighed.

"Leia-"

"What?" Han said sharply, staring immediately into the blue depths that were watching him. "Is she alright?"

"Huh? Of course she's alright! Why wouldn't she be?"

Han narrowed his eyes and returned to his datapad.

"Whaddya want, Kid?"

"I just wanted to know if you're feeling okay. Leia does too. You seem a little…"

Han paused and tilted his head to look over his shoulder.

"A little what?"

"Are you feeling tired?"

"I'm feeling pissed off."

"So you're feeling frustrated?"

"Yeah, look, what the hell is this? This some fuckin' interrogation?"

"Han-"

"NO! BACK OFF, SKYWALKER!"

He shoved his chair backwards and stormed from the room, leaving Luke stunned behind him.

But only for a moment. Luke followed him, silent as always, into the other room, and sensed something different.

"Han? Han! Han, why are you afraid of me?"

Han almost turned to face him, but shook his head.

"No," he whispered. "No!"

He raised a hand to his temple, then to his forehead.

"Han?"

The severity was gone from his voice.

"No, no!" he staggered backwards.

Luke stepped forward.

"Han-"

"NO!" Han shouted, spinning about to face him, arm outstretched as he backed himself up against the wall. "No, get away from me!"

"Han, I can't help you unless you let me-"

"Not you! Not you!"

Luke looked around, noticing for the first time that Han's gaze was not fixed on him, and the hair on the back of his neck rose, almost as if there were someone breathing down his neck, someone he couldn't see or sense.

"No! Get away!"

"Han! Han, listen to me, We Are Alone In This Room! You have to Tell Me What You See!"

Han's eyes rolled, his hand dropped to his side and he shook his head. Then he went limp against the wall and slumped to the floor.

"Come back, Han, come on. You're home, you're safe."

That voice was enticing but he was sure he'd feel better if he just lay here in the fuzzy place between awake and unconscious. No. Better to stay here.

"Han, come on. I know you can hear me."

Han grunted. Dammit. If that was who he thought it was then he wasn't going to get away with going back to sleep.

But wait. Had he been sleeping?

"Han, you fainted again. Come on."

Fainted? You gotta be kiddin' me.

_Nice work, Solo. He can't hear you, you're not awake yet._

"Wake up, Han. We're here."

I know you're here.

_Open you're eyes, Solo, you're still not talking out loud. _

Han forced his eyes to open.

"Kid?"

_That's better._

"Han, you're in the lounge; you fainted."

"Y-Yeah…I know…"

He felt a strong hand grasp hold of his upper arm and help him sit up, but his head started to throb.

"Ah," he whispered, raising a hand to his head.

"Steady," Luke said, his voice low. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just dizzy."

Luke shook his head.

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" asked Han, feeling distinctly uneasy at the expression on Luke's face.

"It was almost like…you saw someone else near me."

Han looked down, frowning.

"No, I don't remember. I remember yelling at you, though. Sorry, Kid."

"Forget it. But I think we should wake Leia and tell her."

"You can if you want."

Luke glanced over at the Chrono on the mantelpiece and grimaced.

"No, I've got to go; shuttle to catch. I was on my way out when you fainted.

"Kid, can we not say 'fainted'? How 'bout 'loosing consciousness' or something, huh?"

"Alright," Luke promised, the ghost of a smile touching his lips. "And I should be back by morning but I want her to know. Han? Try to keep out of trouble. Go to bed."

"Yeah," said Han, wincing a little as he stood. "I was planning on hittin' the hay anyway. Where're you going at this hour?"

"Port Authority and then across the continent. It's daytime over there, you know."

"Good luck with it."

"Yeah," Luke smiled, somewhat wanly. "You too."

"Hey?"

Leia opened her eyes, blinked, squinted and then realised who was attracting her attention. She reached out to stroke his face but he stepped back.

"Luke told me to tell you, uh…"

She sat up, running her hand over her eyes.

"Mmmm, what?" she asked quietly, stifling a yawn.

"He said to tell you he's gone to catch his shuttle. Listen, sweetheart, I gotta finish this work. I'll come to bed when I'm done."

"Okay," she said after a short pause.

He had already begun to walk out.

"Don't stay up too late!"

Leia could hear water running. She thought that perhaps she was still dreaming, still surrounded by trees and stars and water, still in the water with Han, but it was a different sound; more sterile than that of a waterfall, like a tap in a laboratory.

She opened her eyes and found herself staring at the ceiling of her bedroom. She rolled over, expecting to find the familiar warmth of her fiancé, but instead she found the coldness of empty sheets.

She frowned and looked around. Gradually she understood that the running water she could hear was not a remnant of her dream but real and coming from the en-suite.

She swung her legs out of bed and looked at the chrono. It was two in the morning. What was he doing having a shower at two in the morning?

She decided to confront him about it. He had been doing a number of strange things recently. At lest, she mused, if he reason was legitimate, she could always join him.

She pushed open the door to the bathroom, slowly so as not to startle him, and put her head next to the door.

"Han?"

No answer. Maybe he had water in his ears.

"Han?" she said again, a little more loudly.

Still she received no reply from him.

She narrowed her eyes and poked her head round the door.

The shower was at the other end of the room, lower half hidden by the enormous two-person bathtub Han had insisted they install. But she couldn't see Han.

There was no point leaving the water running if there was no-one there to use the shower, she decided, and she began to cross the expanse of tiled floor. For some reason it seemed longer then it usually did, and the air seemed colder. _It must be the cold_, she thought, _why else would I have goosebumps?_

But she couldn't help feeling that something was wrong.

She reached the end of the bath and was about to round it to open the shower door. But she stopped dead when she saw him.

Han was there, in the shower, propped up against the door, water streaming over his body and turning red beneath him.

"Han!" she screamed, wrenching open the shower door.

He slumped out of the shower and she caught him before he hit the ground. Gods, had he hit his head? Had he-

A harsh clatter distracted her thoughts, even as she tried to wake him.

She looked down and saw, on the shower floor, Han's razor. And then she saw where the blood was coming from: his wrist.

"Han!" she said, shaking him.

She was frantically trying to pinch the sides of the wound together.

She shook him again, but he did not open his eyes.

"Oh…Oh, Gods…oh…HELP!"


	5. A Journey Into Shadows

"_How are you feeling, Cub?_"

The question was asked before he fully understood it.

"Ugh?"

Chewie – at least, he thought it was Chewie - smiled.

"_It is good to see you're awake_."

He closed his eyes again. He wanted to back to sleep. It was safe there and he probably wouldn't be the nausea.

"_How are you feeling?_"

Definitely Chewie. But what a question. Truth be told, he felt terrible, and the nausea was growing.

He attempted to shake his head and regretted it immediately.

"Mgonubihzic," he mumbled.

"_Try again, Cub." _

"I zed…'M gonna be zick...!"

He felt hands slide themselves under his back and suddenly the room was spinning.

"Ohhh Gods…" he managed, before he found himself unable to say anything at all.

His stomach cramped and he retched for a good few minutes, bringing up only bile, but the acid burned his throat and the cramps clenched every muscle in his body.

When he felt able to move again, Chewie laid him back into the pillows. He noticed that someone had clothed his lower half but that his gunrig was still lying by the bedside, as it had been last night – as far as he remembered.

"_Cub…_" said Chewie slowly.

Han opened his eyes and looked at him.

"What?"

"_Are you aware of what happened?_"

"N-No. Is Leia okay?"

"_The Little Princess is well enough._"

"I…I don't…geddit then…Whaddya mean? Was there an…accident?"

"_You could have died._"

"What?" he half laughed. "What're you talking about?"

"_Your wrists, Cub."_

Han frowned and lifted his arm and, turning it over to inspect it. His eyes widened when he saw it.

"What the..?"

"_How did this happen?"_

There was a short pause and then Han looked up at him.

"Yeah, uh, I slipped while I was shaving."

"_Do not lie to me, Cub._"

Han's expression deadened.

"Chewie, I swear, I remember picking up my razor and I remember shaving. Next thing I'm in my bed and you're wakin' me up."

"_Is this an honest statement? You did not do this on purpose?_"

"Chewie, come on. Why in all seven hells would I _want_ to?"

-

Leia walked the doctor to the door and smiled wanly.

"Thank you for your time."

The doctor nodded.

"You're welcome. I should contact his personal physician."

"By all means," she answered. "I just don't understand how something like this could have happened."

"I am not a specialist in these areas - I am a emergency medic, not a physician - but I conclude that it could very well have been an accident, Your Highness. But I suggest you make sure that anything he needs to do in the next few days, bathing, shaving, anything like that, you accompany him for. If it is, as he has told you, only the medication making him dizzy, then your only worry need be that he does not fall while showering or undertaking similar activities. Rest and time to recover should be all he needs."

"Thank you."

Leia allowed the door to slide closed and then sighed before walking toward the bedroom.

"Chewie?"

Chewie noticed Han tense as she said his name and answered.

"_He's awake, Little Princess._"

She smiled as she entered the room and walked toward Han, arms outstretched.

It was only when she put her arms around him that she noticed something. When she pulled away, his eyes were closed tightly and he was completely rigid.

"Han, what in the galaxy is the matter?"

She could see that he was fighting to steady his breathing.

"I…Please, I just…Don't…I don't feel so good…I don't wanna hug, okay? I just wanna sleep."

"Oh," she said, frowning.

Han turned over and huddled a little closer to Chewie, who looked equally as surprised as she was.

-

"_I'll be back quite soon, Leia. My shuttle was cancelled_."

"That's alright, Luke. He's got L'Jhad coming to see him later."

Leia was about to sign off when something stopped her.

"Luke?"

"_Yes?_"

"Chewie said that Han told him it was an accident."

"_Well I felt something last night when it happened. Allow him to rest and I'll be there soon_."

Slightly reassured, she nodded.

"Alright. I'll see you later then."

Luke nodded.

"_Goodbye_."

-

Doctor L'Jhad arrived a short while after Luke, but Han did not wake to see them.

The only time he moved at all was when Chewie left his side to talk to L'Jhad. He stirred and groaned in his sleep, taking a fistful of chestnut fur to prevent his Wookiee friend from leaving, but once Chewie soothed him with a few soft words, he settled once more.

"You say he can't remember how he came to injure himself?"

Chewie wuffled in agreement and Leia elaborated.

"I just woke up at about two and he wasn't in bed. I could hear the shower so I went to find him."

"Are you aware of how something like this happened?"

Leia frowned and then looked back at her sleeping fiancé.

"I presume he slipped while he was shaving; he usually uses an old fashioned razor. I always said it was dangerous."

The doctor's frown deepened.

"I regret that injuries of this kind could not have been sustained accidentally."

"What?" Leia said sharply, staring at the doctor. "You're saying he did this on purpose?"

"It appears so, Your Highness," the doctor replied.

Leia stared a moment longer.

"Impossible. There's no reason he'd want to take his own life. He'd tell me if there were something wrong."

But even as she said it, Leia was not so sure.

"I told him to go to bed," Luke whispered. "Especially after he fainted again."

"What?" Leia said, looking at him. "When?"

Luke knitted his brow.

"Before I left."

Then realization hit.

"He didn't tell you?"

Leia shook her head.

"No, he just told me you'd said you were leaving and I ought to know."

Luke shook his head and stepped forward.

"Han?"

Han groaned and shivered.

"No…" he murmured weakly.

"Han, for Force sake, open your eyes."

"No…Please…"

Luke extended a hand and touched it to Han's temple. Han quieted momentarily and then his eyes flickered open.

"Hey, Kid," he said as he squinted up at Luke and then raised himself onto his elbows while he rubbed at his eyes. "What're you doin' here?"

"Han," Luke said sternly. "Why didn't you tell Leia you fainted?"

Han laughed.

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Did you do this yourself?"

"What!" he asked venomously, suddenly incredulous and indignant at the same time, thrusting his wrist into Luke's face. "This!"

"Did you do it yourself?"

"NO!"

"Han-" Luke began, stretching out a hand toward him, never breaking eye contact.

"No! Get away from me, Skywalker!"

Leia's eyes widened. 'Skywalker'?

Luke extended his senses and touched Han's consciousness with his own, probing with warm gentleness.

"Han, if you'll only let me in; I can help you-"

"Get outta my head, Jedi!" Han said suddenly, pushing himself backwards, flinching as he backed into Chewie.

Chewie growled and was about to lie him down again but, with a movement that was little more than a blur, he snatched up his blaster and aimed it, moving it whenever someone moved.

"Han," Luke said, trying to extend a force hold, but he found he could not; something was blocking him.

Han pushed himself off the bed and staggered to the doorway keeping his blaster trained on everyone – including L'Jhad – before he nodded toward the living room.

"I'm outta here. You try to follow me and you'll fry, geddit?"

They stared at him, mouths open, completely disbelieving.

Han snatched up some clothes, ducked out of the room and flung himself across the living room before disappearing out of the front door.

Once they were sure he had gone, all four of them rushed into the living room, but Luke held up a hand.

"Wait. Wait until he's into the lift. Then we follow him."

"What?" Leia shrieked. "Why?"

"Because he has a blaster, Leia."

"But you're a Jedi!" she protested. "Can't you-"

"No. I tried. Something is blocking his mind from my attempts and confusing him immensely. He has no idea how he managed to cut his wrist, and he doesn't remember fainting. He's not even completely sure of where he is."

Leia stared at him.

"Something is blocking his mind?"

Luke nodded.

"Almost as if there's something there trying to prevent me seeing."

She was about to question him further but his head snapped around.

"He's out. Let's go. Quickly."

-

He ran. He was weak but he knew he had to. If they found him they'd kill him. They'd already tried to drain him of his blood. He knew that because she'd told him so. He couldn't understand why; he didn't even know those people. But he had woken up in that strange place and that Wookiee had tried to keep him down. So she was right; of course she was right. She was the only one he could trust. She was the only one who cared.

_Yes,_ she whispered, comforting him. _That's right. You're safe now, with me. But the Jedi, he's following. He'll hurt you if you let him._

"No," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head. "Luke…Luke wouldn't-"

A blinding pain shot through his skull and he staggered, slowing dangerously before he regained his feet enough to run.

_You felt that, didn't you? I told you he'd hurt you. Stop him before he kills you._

He turned and glanced over his shoulder.

"Yeah," he muttered. "Stop him."

-

Luke suddenly twisted and fell with a cry, as though someone had hit him full in the face.

Chewie hauled him onto his feet before Leia had even shouted her distress.

"_Little One_?" Chewie said anxiously.

Luke was completely pale and there was sweat on his forehead. He seemed not to notice Chewie.

"Force, no…" he whispered and took a shaky step forward. "You can't be..!"

Then he broke into a run again and hurtled down the corridor.

-

Fresh air!

_Yes! Now! Escape!_

"How?" he asked.

_By any means you can. The speeder bike! Take it! Flee!_

"I don't have the key! I can't-"

The pain, so sharp it was almost visible, pierced his head again.

_There, you see? He's almost got you! Use whatever you can; go!_

-

Luke, Leia, Chewie and L'Jhad stumbled out of the elevator just in time to hear the humming wail of a speeder bike and barely stepped back in time to avoid being run over.

"No!" Luke hissed, then flung out an arm toward the nearest shuttle.

It started without hesitation.

"Everybody in," he said, "and you're driving Chewie."

-

He raced through the air at the top speed he could get out of the bike. There was no way the Jedi could catch him now.

_Good,_ the voice crooned, and he felt soft fingers in his hair. _Go where you used to, Han. They'll never find you._

Those fingers felt warm, soothing, and he relaxed a little. But then he thought of something.

"But he can track me. What if they find me?"

_It's alright,_ the voice told him. _You'll just have to kill them._

-

"There, Chewie," said Luke, pointing to the streak of color that was Han. "Get close!"

The pain hit him again and he fought to ignore it.

_Faster!_

"I can't!" he shouted, his voice lost to the wind. "It won't go any faster!"

_Then turn. Lead them away!_

"Yeah," he whispered, "That might work."

-

"What in the galaxy..!"

L'Jhad failed to curtail her comment as the speeder bike in front of them veered sideways once, twice, and then disappeared into traffic going the other way.

There were several angry beeps from startled drivers on the other side of the throughway. And then Han was on the other side and tearing down a side alley.

"There!" shouted Leia, pointing. "He's gone that way! You've got to-"

"We can't, Leia: He's on a speeder bike – we're in a shuttle. We'd only kill ourselves and take half of the traffic with us. I'll find somewhere to turn around."

-

He brought the speeder to a standstill, parking it beneath one of the many trees. This was a small area, known to few, that overlooked the city and was one of the only remaining green areas in Coruscant's main metropolis.

_You see? That wasn't so hard, was it? And if they find you, you only have to kill them. No-one will find out. It will be so easy, Han_.

"But…I…They're my friends…"

_No. They tricked you. They're not your friends. They want you dead._

"No, they wouldn't. Leia loves me. Luke…Luke and Chewie, we don't…They wouldn't…"

_Did I tell you to argue?_

"But-"

Suddenly, he clapped his hands over his eyes and dropped into his knees with a harsh cry.

_Defiance earns only pain, Han. You'll do what I say or you'll be punished. Remember? When you defy me, the Jedi can get at you._

"Yes…"

_It's alright. Get dressed, Han. It'll all be over soon. _

-

Luke lurched through the trees toward the presences he could feel – he was sure there was more than one now. The rest of the party followed him earnestly.

"Han?" he called. "Han?"

He finally broke through the trees to find Han dressed but lying on his side on the soft green grass that grew underfoot. And he was weeping softly.

"Han?"

"No…" he said, shaking his head. "I don't want to…"

"Han, look at me."

Han shook his head and hugged his arms tighter about him.

"Please don't make me…"

"Don't make me what, Han?"

"No! No!"

Han turned onto his back, clutching his head in his hands, the volume of his sobs increasing.

"I don't want to!"

"Han? Han! Han, don't listen-"

Luke found the muzzle of a blaster suddenly pointing up at him.

"Run!" Han whispered, eyes wide, hand shaking.

"What?"

"RUN! Run, _run, please_!"

Luke took a step back and held a hand out to Leia. She took it and stepped forward.

"We only want to help you."

Han groaned and let the blaster fall from his hand, turning back onto his side.

Chewie crashed through the undergrowth behind them, roaring in distress and Han immediately flipped over and backed himself across the clearing until he was by the speeder bike again.

"Han, calm down."

Han shook his head and mounted the speeder bike again.

"You don't know. I won't do it. I can't!"

"Han, what're you talking about? Han, get off the bike. Please."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please try to forgive me."

Then he kick started the bike and sped off over the edge of the ridge that overlooked the city, joining the traffic below it.

"Force," Luke whispered. "Come on."

-

_Why? Why didn't you shoot them? Why didn't you kill him? He's the main threat to you! _

"Shut up."

_What stopped you, you fool? Don't you understand?_

"Shut up, you're not real."

Suddenly the voice's demeanor changed.

_Oh, but I am, Han. I'm as real as they come. I can see things you thought no-one could see. I can see your childhood, I can see everything you were, everything you've become. I know everything you've been through and if you don't kill them I will kill you._

"You're not real."

_I can see the first time you took a punch. I can see the first time you won a game of sabacc. I can see the first time you shot a man._

"No," he whispered, but the voice became louder even though it murmured, as though it had leant toward his ear.

_I can see the first time you made love to her. I can see her, lying there, naked, waiting, and I know how you felt. I know how good it felt when she-_

"Enough!"

_The way she said your name, how much you wanted to touch her. You knew she wanted to touch you, too. I can see how much you enjoyed it_.

"Stop it!"

_It felt good to be inside her, didn't it? To watch her writhing under you, to see her face?_

"Leave me alone!"

_It felt good for me, too, Han. Remember? It felt good. And I'll never leave. I'll be in your dreams, Han. In your nightmares. You're mine. I made you mine. And I'm never going to let you go._

-

Luke was pale – too pale – and his breathing was harsh and shallow.

"Luke, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes…I'm just…concentrating…Left, Chewie…"

Chewie did as Luke said and took them onto a new throughway.

_-_

_And they haven't given up. He's still there. Can you feel him?_

"Luke!"

_He can't hear you. Every time he tries to touch your mind then I will hurt you. And you can't stop me._

Han ignored.

"Luke!"

'_Luke! Luke!_'

-

"Han?"

"What?" said Leia.

'_Luke!_'

"Chewie, he's going past the senatorial building. Take a right here; it's a shortcut."

_-_

_You try to block it out, don't you? You try to forget the pain. But it isn't the pain that hurts you, is it, Han? It's knowing how easy it was for me to-_

"No! No, you're dead! She killed you!"

_Only my body, Han. And you remember my body, don't you?_

-

Luke looked earnestly out of the window, and saw the little blur of his best friend weaving in and out of traffic.

"Get us closer. I've got to try and reach him. Leia?"

Without being asked, she took his hand and they both closed his eyes.

"What are they doing?" L'Jhad asked Chewbacca.

Trying to reach the Cub.

"Ready?" Luke whispered.

Leia nodded.

"Yes."

"Chewie, can you still see him?"

Yes.

"Alright. Han?"

-

The pain began again and, in some desperate, almost primal attempt to escape, he kicked the bike, hard, and soared upwards.

-

Everyone in the shuttle suddenly had to crane their necks to see him, almost loosing him as he joined overhead traffic, which was going the other way. With a roar of determination, Chewie hauled the shuttle around and up until it was once again on the same level.

"Han?" Luke said again.

-

A spike of pain so concentrated it was like a flash of light pierced Han's skull and obscured his vision. He let loose a short, involuntary cry, fell forwards onto the handlebars as consciousness slipped from his grasp, and dropped.

"HAN!" Leia screamed as she saw the speeder bike plunge.

Luke held out a hand and tried to steady the bike.

"Oh, no," he murmured. "I can't reach him!"

"Try harder," Leia begged him. "Please!"

Luke shut his eyes and held his hand out again, sweat beading on his forehead and running down his face.

"Come on," he whispered. "Come on!"

"Yes!" Leia said suddenly, watching as the speeder bike leveled out again.

But her hopes were soon shattered.

"Luke," she whispered. "The traffic's going the other way!"

-

Han's eyes opened and the first thing he realized was that his head was throbbing. Then he heard a noise blaring through his consciousness, the ache in his temples flaring up again at the sudden stimulus. Next came the realization that he was still moving.

Then he saw the oncoming hoverbus.

"Oh, shit," he whispered.

-

Leia watched, unable to believe, unable to move, as the hoverbus and the speeder bike impacted. She saw Han's body leave the bike as it shattered and tumble upwards, strangely limp, over first the windshield, then the roof of the hoverbus and hang for a moment in mid air as momentum kept him up.

Then he plummeted toward the ground level of traffic. They were almost too high to see him, but see him they did.

He hit a hovercar on the way down that carried him along, and then another hoverbus once he reached the ground. This one slammed on its brakes, too late to avoid him, and propelled him forward where he bounced, hit, rolled, and then lay completely still.


	6. The Beginning of a Nightmare

"Oh, Kest!"

Grarn Horm was not having a good day. He was far past due a payrise and he knew he wasn't going to get it. He did not want to run this route any longer; he had been doing it for most of his working life. Every customer it seemed hated him or wanted him killed – he was just getting over the last time someone had hijacked the bus. He had another seven hours to drive before his shift was over.

But all of this faded into nothingness beside what had just happened. Grarn cursed himself for his slow reflexes - it was his slow reflexes that had made today worse than any other.

For it was his inability to slam on his brakes that had stopped him just after he had hit the man who now lay a good ten feet away. He would have already been seriously injured because he was falling and, with the speed he hit – enough to crack the windscreen – he would probably have died if he had just hit the ground. But he hadn't just hit the ground. He had hit the windscreen first.

And there was now a crack and a bloodsmear down the broken transparisteel.

"Oh, Kest, Kest, Kest," he repeated, fumbling for his buckle and lurching from the seat as the restraint came free.

He stumbled out of the vehicle and clung to the side for a moment. Then he staggered forward a few paces and raced the rest of the way toward the man.

The people on either side of the road who had gathered around that traffic had halted were closing in now, but he held up a hand as he neared.

"Don't touch him!"

The crowd parted for him as he drew near, probably because they wanted to have nothing to do with him, and Grarn saw the man as he lay for the first time.

He was on his back, one leg twisted beneath him, the other bent in the wrong place, broken, the white bone protruding from the torn trouser leg. One of the man's arms turned impossibly to the side, while the other was propped up against his hip, both hands shaking uncontrollably while his entire body twitched. His head was tipped back and his eyes were open, as was his mouth, from which there was blood seeping, and he appeared to be staring straight up at the traffic overhead.

One of his boots was another five feet away and his trouser legs were shredded. He didn't appear to have even been a helmet, and his back and chest were covered with small abrasions, showing through the torn material of his shirt. There was blood coming from the back of his head.

His face was a complete mess; it appeared that his nose, and jaw, and one of his eye sockets was broken – unsurprising seeing as how he'd hit the windscreen head first – and he was bleeding from everywhere that was broken, white bone sticking out here, too. It occurred to Grarn that something must have knocked him off, or away from, or out of, his overhead transport to start with, but the thought did little to comfort him.

Although it took his mere seconds to see and comprehend, it felt like an eternity before he could move enough to check for a pulse.

-

The shuttle hummed lower and Leia had opened the door and was out before it had come to a stop. Luke followed her without hesitation but found himself stopped by two official looking men whom Leia had slipped past unnoticed. There were three vehicles by the crowd of people which had now congregated in the middle of the road. Leia recognized the vehicles and the two of the drivers were talking to each other.

"I just went straight into him; he came out of nowhere!"

"I didn't even see him! I wasn't sure what had happened until I looked down."

Leia was absolutely white and she could feel her energy seep away with each word. A distant siren was wailing through the air. She shoved past the two men.

"Hey!" one of them said, but the other quieted him when he saw where she was headed.

"Han?" she barely managed to say.

The people parted for her and she found her fiancé lying on his back, twitching, with another man beside him.

"He's still breathing," said the man, and he looked almost as bad as Leia felt, "but he won't…I-I'm so sorry; I…I never even…He hit before I knew what was going on…I'm so sorry…"

"Han," she said dejectedly and dropped to her knees beside him.

"Don't touch him," said the man. "I think his neck is broken."

Han drew a sudden gargled breath.

"It's alright, Han" Leia assured him as the wailing siren grew close, touching her fingers to his cheek as her eyes stung. "I'm here."

It was then she noticed that he was crying, completely silently; tears were streaming down his temples and mingling with the blood on the dusty ground. It seemed he couldn't see but that he knew she was there, for his shallow breathing hastened for a moment and the twitching changed, almost as though he were trying to move.

A harsh breath spattered blood onto his face and Leia wiped at it before taking one of his quaking hands in hers. It was very likely he couldn't feel it if his neck was broken, as it appeared to be, but she took it anyway.

"It's alright," she soothed, stroking his forehead, being careful not to move his head.

Somehow, he made a sound, an odd sound, like a whimper but not as strong or aware.

"I know," she said gently, "I know."

She squeezed his hand as he drew another rasping breath and knew there was nothing she could do.

He released that final breath in a long, rattling sigh, and his eyelids flickered. Then the twitching stopped.

There was eerie silence for a long time. The traffic overhead had already been redirected by the interchange droids and no-one around them was talking. It didn't even sound as if anyone dared breathe. The hoverbus driver and the two others were staring open-mouthed in absolute horror. Time seemed to slow, even to stop, and she couldn't even bring herself to close his eyes because she knew she would never see them again. She could almost feel his spirit rise from his body.

She couldn't stop herself crying, didn't even try, but, like Han, she didn't make a sound.

Luke was suddenly by her side, on his knees. He extended a hand and lay it across Han's forehead.

"He's gone, Luke," she whispered, but he didn't take any notice, or else he hadn't heard.

She watched him as he closed his eyes and frowned. And then it happened; Luke paled, twitched once and then he took a deep breath – and Han did too.

"Luke!" She said, with enough volume to make everyone jump.

The emergency vehicle skidded to a halt behind the crowd and Dr L'Jhad began to talk to them.

"And don't move the young man," she said as they approached Luke. "If his contact is broken Solo will die."

The men nodded and Leia looked at her brother again.

There he sat, still as stone, and equally as gray, but breathing in tandem with Han. He stood without any effort as the men lifted Han onto a stretcher, and followed them into the emergency vehicle before they closed the door behind them. The three drivers simply continued to stare.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," said a voice to Leia's side.

She turned to see another official standing there.

"You're related to the injured party?"

"He's my fiancé," she said, her voice dry and raspy.

"Then we're here to provide authority escort to the hospital."

-

She couldn't loose him. She just couldn't. Every time she paced to the other side of the room , she could hear the hum and faint clicks of the medical equipment.

Luke, she knew, was in desperate anguish himself. He could sense the strain in Han's body. They had been operating for hours.

Outside, day was fast turning to night. People moved outside the window and outside the room in corridors, but none of them mattered. Brother and sister heard nothing but the labored throbs of pulse and each rhythm of the monitor, each electronic burst a heartbeat, too fast or too slow.

There was dead silence between each one and the cold that permeated the air as the rhythm faltered time and time again was all-enveloping, until, finally, the pulse set in again.

She felt nauseous, dizzy, she needed to rest, but she didn't dare leave to tend to those feelings, lest she return to find Han gone . She wanted to be here, whatever happened.

As for Luke himself, he was sitting in a chair by the window, apparently looking out of it, but he had his eyes closed.

She touched her hand to his shoulder.

"Luke?"

There was a pause, and then he spoke in a voice that was barely recognizable.

"His mind has fallen far behind a last line of defense. It's all that protects him against the shattering pain. I can feel his presence like a flicker on the very edges of my own awareness, constantly. A part of him knows that I'm here."

He opened his eyes and stared out at the golden evening that was turning slowly into a black night – a night that promised to be the longest one any of them had ever faced.

"I found something," Luke said, almost inaudibly. "When I guided him back to the light on the street today, I felt something."

"What is it?" Leia asked softly.

Luke sighed.

"I managed to touch a memory – he can't block me out when he's asleep."

Leia didn't speak. She knew whatever he was about to say was hurting him and it frightened her to the extent that she didn't want to ask, almost didn't want to know. But she had to. Luke knew it too.

"He's in great pain. Unbearable pain. And it's destroying him. But I know, even though I could get into his mind, even though I could help him, that he can't stop me if he doesn't want it. I need permission to do it."

He turned to look at Leia.

"He's dying in there Leia, and not because of the accident. They're doing all they can and he's going into the bacta for a while when they're done. But it won't save him. But if I go into his mind and he tries to push me away it could kill him. Or me. Or both of us."

Leia waited a moment and then made her decision.

"I give you permission."

Luke looked at her and nodded slowly.

"As soon as the surgeons finish. It's taking all the strength I have to keep his vital signs up."

-

_There was darkness – extreme darkness – and it was suffocating him. He could hear distant cries of pain that echoed down the long, dark corridors, cries that were strangely recognizable. And there were other voices, voices that varied in age and gender, but none seemed so desperate as the man who screamed. _

_He shivered._

"_Luke?"_

_There came no reply although his voice echoed for a long time. Damn but it was cold here. _

"_Kid, are you there?"_

_He didn't really know why he was asking, except that he had the strangest feeling Luke was here somewhere._

-

Leia stood before the tall cylindrical tank, her hands on her forearms. She watched him as he floated in the 'healing' liquid. His arms hung suspended at waist level, his legs bent and not supporting his weight, his entire body scraped and lacerated like some grotesque puppet. His head lolled forward and nodded gently with the currents, occasionally jerking back as though whiplashed when his body convulsed of its own accord. His hair floated about his head like a dark cloud and his skin was so pale compared to it. He had been in the tank for a long time. She didn't know how long exactly. But she knew it was a long time.

-

_There was something guiding him, something unexplainable, toward the man who was screaming, whoever he was, drawing him to it almost._

_It was just a little further, just a little more before he could get to this man and help him. It was odd but he almost recognized the screams, the cries for help, the curses. They were Corellian curses, of that there was no doubt, but what could make a man scream that way?_

_This must be the door. He could hear laughter, cruel, cold laughter, and raw cries of agony, of anguish._

_He drew his blaster and, with as quiet a movement as he could, he pushed the door open._

-

Leia stared at the man in the bed before her. Twelve days.

Two days they had worked on him, cut him open, sewn him up, taken skin samples, grafted, knitted, stitched and splinted.

And for a further ten he had been immersed in bacta. And he lay in the bed now, wires and tubes all over his body. And the doctors had informed her that there was little hope for him. They were all hoping that the shock of coming out of the tank would perhaps wake him up, but the blanket-wrapped figure that had been floated past on the repulsor-fitted gurney had looked almost lifeless and now that he was lying in the hospital bed – which for some reason looked far too big for him – he looked worse than ever.

Bone knitters had repaired the breaks, including, mercifully without flaws, the one in his neck and the fracture in his skull. The bacta tank had helped with the shallower wounds and skin grafts and surgery had almost returned his face to normal but he was still pale and swollen and in some places he still bled a little. And they could not be sure until he woke if the fall had damaged his brain. It was extremely unlikely that he had escaped injury here.

She barely looked up when Luke entered the room, but watched him carefully as he seated himself by the bed. Chewie watched anxiously from the foot of the bed and Leia held Han's hand.

"I'm ready," said Luke solemnly, "although I may need help later if his mind rejects me."

Leia nodded.

"Alright."

Luke took a deep breath, closed his eyes and stretched out a hand towards Han's forehead.

-

"Han?" Luke whispered almost straight away. "Han, where are you?" 

_There was screaming and moaning and Luke immediately felt that there was too much here. Where was Han's presence among all these others?_

_It was almost overwhelming. There were so many people here, so many presences, it was virtually impossible to distinguish between them. _

_And yet, there was one that stood out if he waited, searched with his mind, not with his feelings, one voice that was louder than the others, one scream that was filled with more pain, one plea for help that was far more desperate from the rest. _

_Luke ran down the corridor, knowing without asking how he knew, that it was Han crying out._

"_Where are you?" _

_There were so may doors; he tried reaching out but he was somehow unable. _

"_Han?"_

_He reached out to one door and recoiled almost instantly. When he had touched it, his fingers had slipped and when he drew them away to see why he saw that they were slick with blood._

_He stared open-mouthed and pressed his hand to the door again, repressing the shudder._

-

_Han stared in absolute horror at the man in chains before him and the woman inflicting the pain upon him.. The woman he recognized. Hers was a face he had seen in his nightmares, wished never to see again. He didn't know how he had got back here. He didn't know how she was alive. But this man had to be saved._

-

_Luke stared down at the tiny form in the corner of the cell. It was a child, huddled in the corner, chained at the wrists and ankles and whose clothes were tattered, ragged and filthy. Luke stepped forward, crouched down before it, and gently slid his hand beneath the child's chin, lifting its head so its eyes could meet his. _

_He almost fell backwards._

_The child's eyes stared lifelessly ahead, stone cold. The child was dead. _

"_Oh, no," Luke whispered, hanging his head and shaking it slowly. _

_He looked up after a moment and moved his hand slowly, hating the fact that he would have to leave this child to find the man. For the man still lived. But for how much longer, he didn't know._

-

_Han realized that she seemed not to have noticed his presence and stepped forward silently, trying not to touch the man being tortured. Han flinched as he took in the wounds that covered the man's body. He knew from experience how those wounds were burning. _

_He watched as she laughed softly, as she had done all those weeks ago, and as she turned away. His heart rose. If she was leaving then this was his chance._

_He watched her, hopes growing with every passing moment, as she walked away from her victim and left through the door._

"_Can you hear me?" Han asked softly. _

_The man's head lolled to the side with a muffled, _

"_Ugh?"_

"_It's alright," he said, walking around to face the man. "I'm here to…"_

_The man raised his head and Han's sentence died on his lips. The face that stared back at him was battered, bruised and swollen, several cuts bleeding profusely into his open mouth and hazel eyes that stared back in desperation, full of fear and pain. _

_The face that stared back at him was unshaven, twisted with the results of her brutality and completely helpless._

_The face that stared back at him was his own._

_-_

_Luke waited a moment before he opened the next door. He had opened eighteen so far and behind each one had been a child, stone cold, dead beyond doubt and hope. _

_He was sure, as he had been before, that the screaming and the desperate pleas were coming from behind this door, but he knew that he could be wrong. Behind this door could lie another dead child, but there was no other way to find out. Luke steeled himself, badly wishing he had the force to aid him, and pushed the door._

_The man in chains did not look up as Luke entered, nor did his captor. She was petite but she was taller than Leia and beautiful while managing somehow to project a malevolence that Luke could feel even without the force._

_She was slender but appeared to be strong if her stature was anything to go by, and her hair was moving as if of its own accord to touch him._

"_Tell me," she whispered, a strand reaching up to stroke the man's face._

_Luke narrowed his eyes. _

_A harsh rasping voice spoke in answer, and Luke realized it must be the man who was in chains, but the voice was abraded from the screaming, barely more than a whisper._

"_I told you…Gods…dammit…I _told _you…I don't know anything."_

_The strand of hair shot forward and grabbed him around the throat. _

"_I'm warning you."_

_The man gave a choked gasp and she narrowed her eyes. Then she let most of her hair begin to choke him while one, single strand reached down and forced itself into a large laceration _

_Luke flinched as the man tried in vain to cry out. All he managed was a suffocated whimper, unable to breathe past the vise like grip of her hair, a whimper which ended in a quiet, but considerably long, groan and a soft shudder._

_Luke stayed quiet as she unwound her hair and raised an eyebrow. _

"_Don't go anywhere," she whispered. "I'll be back in a moment."_

_The chained man hung his head._

_Luke stepped forward, tried to reach out to him, but he had not taken two steps before his body froze. He tried for a few moments to keep going but found that he couldn't move a muscle. It was only when he tried to step back that he was able to move again._

_He gasped, bending to catch his breath, amazed that being held back in that way should have drained so much energy. _

_He did not have time to try again for she re-entered and stood before the man, a set of what looked like brass knuckles on her right hand. The chained man looked at them and then at her._

"_Tell me."_

_He hung his head again._

"_I. Don't. Know. Please…Please, for Gods' sakes, if I knew…I'd have told you…"_

_She drew back her hand and punched him, hard. It was then that Luke saw that the outer surface of the knuckle-duster was inlaid with rows and rows of tiny diamonds. _

_The man spat blood onto the floor._

"_It's a shame," she said, and delivered a hard punch to his stomach. But then, instead of drawing her arm back again, she forced it forward, twisting her wrist to grind the gems into the unprotected flesh of the man's stomach._

_He gasped and groaned, gritted his teeth against the pain, but still she forced her fist forward. He gasped for air when finally she decided to stop but, without giving him a chance to regain any strength, she pushed her other hand forward and scraped her nails down the freshly abraded skin. _

_Luke closed his eyes, squeezed them shut against the horrible sounds the man was making, but there was no way to prevent it. Finally, when his pleas quieted for a moment, he opened his eyes, just in time to see her punch him again, back in the face this time. There was a sickening crunch as bone and cartilage were crushed and the revolting splatter as the man's blood sprayed across the cell floor. She had hit him with a backswing this time and his head had been forced in Luke's direction. Luke saw the blood beginning to trickle down the man's face and tried again to step forward, but found himself trapped, barred by the invisible wall once more._

_She produced a small silver box and held it up to the man._

"_Do you know what these are?"_

_The man could not reply. He just wheezed softly. She elaborated._

"_These are Cerean blood parasites. They are a type of extracellular endoparasite _

_that are a little more advanced than what you may be used to. They've been designed, bred and cultivated here, all for my purpose. The spikes and barbs contain a venom similar to the Lytisil Verithinine I gave you. They are completely blind, as you can probably see. They do, however, have an astounding sense of smell…"_

_As she opened the box, several little creatures, almost like silverfish, emerged. Each was no longer than the nail on a little finger, but something about them made Luke shiver. They were short but slender and they had three rows of short spikes down their backs, as well as two vicious looking pincers. At their 'tails' were three long, barbed fronds, with a large hook on the end of each of them. They were not quite the worms they had been for they had hundreds of tiny legs that undulated to propel them. And, as she opened the box, they all reared up as though smelling the air._

_Luke shivered and then stared. _

"_I can recall them whenever I please," she said. "But right now…"_

_She held the box up to the chained man._

"_Right now they're hungry."_

_And then, like a silver snake, they reared together and launched themselves at the chained man, crawling all over him until they found some sort of wound, and then, just as suddenly as they had jumped, they disappeared._

"_NO!" shouted the man, before he twisted, arched his back and screamed._

_After a few seconds, his eyes widened and he screamed again as his skin began to boil as the thousands upon thousands of tiny parasites crawled under his skin. He screamed once more as blood began to leak from the wounds, trailing down his limbs and body before some other parasite, smelling the waste, would burst through the skin to get to it._

"_Please," he cried, writhing violently._

_Luke almost vomited as the man twisted again, showing him for who he truly was._

"_Han!" he said, and instinctively tried to launch himself forward, forgetting the invisible obstruction._

_He soon remembered it, for this time he was thrown backwards across the room when he connected with it._

"_Please," said Han from his chains. "Please help me!"_

_Luke was unsure, but, even as he watched, Han seemed to be watching him._

"_You can see me?" Luke asked, pressing his hands to the solidity in his path._

"_Please, Help me! Help me!"_

"_How?" Luke said desperately._

_Han screamed again._

"_Any way! Just please, help me!"_

_little parasites were pushing out of his skin in all places and then disappearing just as quickly and, when he wasn't pleading for help, Han was screaming. _

_Luke tried again._

"_Han, I can't get to you!"_

"_Please, Please! You have to…"_

_He screamed again._

"_Please, he won't help me!"_

_Luke narrowed his eyes._

"_What?"_

_But some deep instinct told him to turn his head._

_Sitting to his right, on a long bench in the corner, watching the torture with his eyes half closed in bored indifference, blaster in hand, was someone he definitely did not expect to see._

"_Han?"  
_

_The man on the bench turned dark hazel eyes on him and spoke in a voice that barely resembled the voice he knew._

"_Yes?"  
_

_Luke started forward._

"_Han, how are you…what is…Han, you have to help him."_

_Han flicked a glance at his screaming doppelganger and shrugged._

"_No."_

_Luke stared for a second, stunned._

"_NO? What do you mean 'no'?"_

"_I mean no. I'm not going to help him. And neither are you."_

_Luke, confused, frantic and furious, made as if to shake this new Han out of some delirium, but he was once again brought up short._

"_What in-" Luke said as he thumped the unseen wall with both fists. "Han! Let me in!"_

"_No," said Han simply. "Leave." _

-

Luke gasped suddenly and drew his hand back as if burned, almost falling off the bed.

"Luke!" said Leia, and she reached out to him, trying to prevent him falling.

"H-He…He pushed out. He stopped me."

"What?" Leia asked.

"He won't let me help. He won't let me help him."

Before she could protest, Luke set his jaw and tried again.

-

"_I thought I told you to leave."_

_Luke looked at the Han on the bench._

"_What is happening here?" he asked._

_The Han on the bench shrugged._

"_It's a dream. It's all a dream. So is he."_

_Luke looked at what he now knew to be the Dream Han. The woman was currently pouring drops of acid onto the open wounds on the Dream Han's body. The Dream Han writhed helplessly, crying piteously with little more strength than a newborn felinoid._

"_No," Luke said urgently. "It's more than a dream. Han, this is killing you. It's killing him."_

_Han looked up at him coldly._

"_Good. It's more than he deserves. He's weak. Pathetic."_

_Luke took a step back, shaking his head._

"_Han," he said slowly, ignoring the Dream Han's cries for help. "This isn't you. You have to stop this. Don't you understand? You're the only one who can."_

_Han snorted and sneered derisively._

"_You really have no idea, do you?"_

"_Han," _

"_Do you know what I see? I don't just see him, I see them all."_

_Luke frowned._

"_Who?"_

_Han smiled and turned to watch the Dream Han without a trace of compassion in his eyes._

-

"Nierts. Se si vor nes on myst. Han, des si kroches va. Se si kroches cor."

Leia looked frantically from Luke to Han. Han had opened his eyes of his own accord, but Luke was still force-bonded to him and was staring, his own eyes equally unseeing. Chewie had been translating since Luke had first started to talk in Corellian – a language he had never managed – and Leia was shocked at what she was hearing.

"_No. It is not a dream. Han, this is killing you. This is killing him._" said Chewie.

Leia looked suddenly at Han as he spoke back, hardly able to believe the words translated for her.

"Ben. Se si vor nes cor aldei. Cor si jirst. Calest."

"_Good. It is more than he deserves. He is weak. Pathetic._"

"Han. Des si e va. Va kel dos terl des. Tor e va meerian? Va dain dos koldesh en cir vahn."

"_This is not you. You have to stop this. Don't you understand? You are the only one who can._"

Leia reached out to pull Luke away but Chewie stopped her as they spoke again.

"Va ferni larne nierts kine, tor va?" asked Han.

"_You reallyhave no idea, do you?"_

"Han," said Luke.

"Tor va kine rei Me viu? Me to e orni viu cor, Me viu skah eriva."

"_Do you know what I see? I don't just see him, I see them all."_

Luke frowned.

"Cir?"

"_Who?"_

_-_

"_I see them all. All of them, every single one."_

"_Han," said Luke, "what-"_

"_I'm not the only one she tortured, Luke. And she can hear everything, feel everything. Lakaya is in here with me. Yes, Luke, I know exactly where I am. I know where my body is. I know where Leia is and I know what you are doing. You don't have the force here because you're already inside my head. And she knows, too. And every one she tortured is in here, begging me to help them. And I don't know how."_

"_Han," Luke whispered, shaking his head. "How?"_

_Han turned back to watch the Dream Han. Lakaya was no longer torturing the Dream Han, and it appeared that she had not been doing for some time. Instead, she was administering some drug, telling him that it wouldn't hurt him. Then she began to touch him. The Dream Han shook his head and said Leia's name. Lakaya smiled and kissed him, lifting her legs about him._

"_It begins unnoticed," Han whispered, "as a smudge on the edge of a perfect consciousness, like a drop of blood on a white lily, or a strand of poison ivy amongst the flowers_."

_Luke stared at him for a moment and then back at the Dream Han. Lakaya had moved away and one of her men was lowering him to the ground._

_-_

"_And then, like the ivy, it grows, stretching out with curling tendrils and trident leaves, creeping ever closer, always growing, ever patient, ever resilient, waiting to entwine itself about the consciousness in which it began, slowly choking the hope and scarring the dreams forever, changing them, contorting them, until the light that shone is grayed and sullied. _

_An endless, barren sky that, when not gray, is blood red, rains down acid on bare shoulders caked with blood and grime, eating into tender flesh with vampirical accuracy._"

Leia felt the hair on the back of her neck rise as Chewie continued to translate Han's speech.

-

_Luke_ _watched in horror, his stomach turning, realizing what it was she was about to do._

"_Oh, Force," he whispered._

"_Fear looms dark on the horizon, present always and never yielding," Han continued, watching unemotionally as Lakaya leant over the Dream Han. "Rock and stone, jagged and sharp as glass beneath bare feet, slice and lacerate without mercy and without purpose. Impossible to climb, tall and ominous, where waiting goes unnoticed."_

_Luke tried again to reach the Dream Han as the man who had moved him chained his wrists over his head so that he couldn't move. The man then left and slammed the door behind him._

"_No…please…" the Dream Han whispered, but she touched her fingers to his lips and knelt astride him._

"_A lifeless plane, existence marred by being, and ever swirling mists and fog with countless dangers, veiled, unseen. Streams of blood and black water ooze silently beneath bone bridges; birdless, leafless trees stand alone and shiver in the breeze until it tastes the fear, sprouting black leaves and bleeding from broken branches as it drinks in the revulsion and absorbs the terror, drawing nourishment form the dread."_

_Luke averted his eyes as she completed her vulgar act, but found himself watching once more as the Dream Han groaned in anguish._

"_Spiders scuttle by, uncaring of any presence, on limbs that are long and thin and should not support its weight, rushing into dark refuge in droves, so numerous that their feet patter on the cold and pitiless stone around like the death-giving rain._

_And they wait there. People? Once perhaps, but nothing now. Where once there were eyes there lie bloody sockets, streaming red tears, hollow cheeks residing over tongueless mouths, shrunken skin pulled tight over the skull beneath, what remains of their faces twisted in agony. Their moans and wails turn hearts to ice as they wait, approach and move. Hands with too few fingers, bones without flesh protruding from them, reach out to snatch at anything they can grasp, begging for release or appeasement."_

"_No," Luke whispered, "no, stop..!"_

"_Please," said the Dream Han. "Please…"_

"_It's alright," she assured him, what she was doing obscured only by her dress, her intentions clear. "It's alright."_

_The Dream Han struggled weakly, but stopped when he found it gave her more leverage._

"_Oh, Gods…" he whispered._

_Han shook his head as he watched, Luke standing helpless with his hands pressed up against the barrier, and kept talking._

"_Death here would be a blessing, but prayers go unanswered: this is a godless place. Those in chains hang ragged like broken dolls, arms outstretched in ceaseless misery. The bones that are broken do not mend. The sacrifices made do not placate. The floors, slick with blood, are never clean._

_Walking breaks the fragile limbs but still they come, seeing without eyes, crying without tongues, existing without life, the screams of their torture echoing into the night. _

_And running does no good. Hiding is in vain. The fear grows too and envelops the will, blocking the path to freedom. The world spins and curses, changing again, lost in time."_

_Lakaya smiled._

"_That's it," she murmured, staring down at the Dream Han. "That's right."_

"_No…" he said softly, stiffening in fear when she brushed her hand against his temple._

"_A stumble, a fall that lasts forever, and whispers from the stale air. Cruel laughter echoes from the mists. Shapes that cannot be, are not alive and are not forgetful, writhe and moan. Bright eyes gleam in the back heart of the night, beckoning._

_A flash of steel claws, a snap of white, dagger like fangs, an attempt at escape, but none is possible._

_The night falls quickly, shrouding the landscape, hiding it from what little light there was."_

"_No!" wailed the Dream Han, arching his back to try and push her away, gasping when his body reacted against his will. "No!" _

_But it was too late to stave off the inevitable. After all the pain, all the torture, it did not take long. That had been what Lakaya had been counting on._

"_The pain begins deep in the soul," said Han, "destroying the very mind that gave birth to it, twisting the awareness, slowly building into agony without relief."_

_Lakaya smiled suddenly, slowing her movements._

"_You see?" she said. "That wasn't so difficult, was it?"_

_She lowered her head to his._

"_No, please," he whispered desperately. "Please…don't kiss me. Not now. I-I beg you. I beg you, please. Please. I-It's…all I have left."_

_She smiled coldly and kissed him, hard._

"_The uncontrollable trembling and the nausea," said Han, watching unsympathetically, "brought on by fear are no match for the weakness, and fleeing is a need, a hunger, like the freedom._

_But there is no escape; there is no release; there is no relief or mercy here; for here is a nightmare world."_

_Lakaya left, satisfied, and did not send anyone in to sting the Dream Han up again. Instead, he curled up on his side, shaking with cold and pain and exhaustion, but more with shame. Luke could almost feel it himself. He retched suddenly and, having no food to bring up, he brought up a little bile, but there was not enough liquid in his system to create much of even that._

"…_Leia…" the Dream Han whispered brokenly, when his stomach had stopped heaving. "…I'm so sorry…Leia…"_

_His shoulders began to shake and Luke heard the almost silent sobs he made, that mingled with Leia's name and desperate pleas for her to help him, find him, forgive him._

"_Oh, Force, Han," Luke whispered. "Why didn't you tell us?"_

_Han stared at the Dream Han a moment longer, then, with a sneer, he turned away and held Luke's gaze. Then he whispered,_

"_And so it begins."_


	7. Awakenings

"_Do you see now why I told you to leave? You've seen it now. And they won't leave me. They keep crying and I don't know how to help hem."_

_Luke stared at him, completely horror struck._

"_You knew this was going to happen?"_

_Han laughed coldly and looked back to the Dream Han._

"_Of course I knew. In about ten seconds, he'll start singing the only Alderaanian lullaby Leia ever stopped crying long enough to teach me."_

_Luke swallowed hard, fighting his own nausea._

"_Why?" Luke whispered._

--

Leia listened hard to Chewie's translation. That was a good question. Why, after something terrible had evidently happened, would he sing a lullaby? And an Alderaanian one at that?

--

_Han shook his head._

"_When they lie in darkness, she will stand in light."_

_Han stared at the man on the cell floor._

"_When they are blind, she will make them see."_

_Luke took a step toward him but Han took no notice._

"_When they are lost she will find them."_

_Luke stretched out a hand._

"_When they are in agony, she will ease the suffering."_

_Suddenly, with a movement faster than Luke ever would have expected, Han grabbed his outstretched arm and twisted, pulling him close as the Dream Han began to whisper the lullaby's words._

"_And you," he whispered, "you can't help me. I'm alone here. Get out."_

--

Luke flew across the room with more strength than he would have if Chewie had thrown him, hit the wall and crumpled to the floor.

Leia left Han's side and rushed to Luke's.

"Luke! What happened!"

Luke shook his head, staring wide eyed at Han, whose eyes were closed once more.

"There's two of them," he whispered.

"What?" said Leia.

"There are two Hans in there. One must be a-a memory, a dream. And Han's just sitting there, watching him."

"I don't understand."

Luke looked to her, as if only now acknowledging her presence.

"Han has regressed into his mind and he's watching a memory of himself being tortured. But she's in there, too! She's killing him, poisoning his mind, destroying his soul from the inside. It's driving him insane - you heard what he was saying - and he won't fight her. He _can't_."

"I don't understand. What just happened?"

Luke swallowed hard again, trying to fend of the sudden wave of queasiness that returned with the memory.

"She…She…"

He looked up at her.

"Leia, she raped him."

--

"_So, Han, you know I'm here."_

_Han looked at her. There she stood, the face that had haunted his nightmares for months, the woman who had tortured him to the brink of death then brought him back and started again._

"_I know you're here, Lakaya. I've know you were here ever since I saw you outside my window that night. I knew it was you when you cut my wrists. I know you've been guiding me. Who else would it be? But you're not real anymore. My fiancé killed you."_

_Lakaya smiled and sat beside him._

"_She only destroyed my body, Han. My spirit needed a new home. I chose you."_

_She gestured to the scene playing itself out before them. _

"_Like watching a holo, isn't it, Han? Except I've seen this one. I know who wins." _

_Han didn't look at her._

"_He's just a memory, Lakaya. This is my mind. He's my memory."_

_She laughed._

"_But I'm still in here. And you can't get rid of me."_

--

Luke stood in front of her, determined to make her understand.

"Leia, please, stop, just for a moment. Listen."

"I only want to understand-"

"I know, Leia, I know. But it's hard to explain so you have to pay attention. When I entered his mind, I could hear Han being tortured but there were too many doors at first – I couldn't find him. So I started to look. Leia, there was a dead child behind each door. When I found him, he was hanging from the ceiling being tortured, but there was _another Han_ there. This one was sitting on a bench in the corner, watching the first one. He didn't seem to care. Leia, I think the one being tortured was a memory, like a hallucination, but more than that. Han wouldn't help him. The Han on the bench just sat and watched, like he didn't care. He wouldn't let me help him either."

Leia frowned.

"There were two of them and one wouldn't let you help the other?"

Luke nodded.

"Yes, that's it. But I think the one being tortured was…Let's call it an hallucination. The hallucination could see me, but not Han. Lakaya could see the hallucination, but not me or Han. Han and I could see everyone."

"Why wouldn't he help?" asked Leia.

"He said the hallucination was weak, pathetic."

"What did he mean?"

"That the hallucination – the him from the past – was pathetic and weak for allowing it to happen."

"What?"

"Leia, don't you understand? The reason he didn't tell us: He was ashamed. The reason he wouldn't let us near him: he was afraid. And the reason he wouldn't let you touch him, wouldn't let you help him up, hug him, anything, was because she raped him. Repeatedly, so it seems."

Leia dropped her head into her hands.

"But why?"

Luke touched his hand to her arm.

"Because, Leia, she knew she couldn't break him any other way. He had proven himself strong through all the pain she inflicted."

"But what was he talking about, about the spiders and the acid and the dead people?"

"I don't know. It's something he's been thinking about a long time. Either that or he's going mad. I don't know why the hallucination was trying to sing an Alderaanian lullaby either."

"What are you talking about? A lullaby?"

"The one you taught Han that time."

"When was he singing it?"

"After she…Afterwards. When she left."

Leia scrubbed her hand over her face.

"Oh, Gods, I don't know. What did he mean when he said, 'I see them all'?"

Luke shook his head.

"I wish I knew, Leia," he whispered. "I wish I knew."

--

Chewie sat by the bed, occasionally wuffling softly, stroking Han's forehead. Leia had left a while back to take Luke to a different doctor, to ensure no damage had been done when Han forced him out.

"_I wish we could help you, Cub,_" he said softly, still brushing the hair from his friend's head.

Han's eyes flickered open.

"Chewie?"

Chewie's eyes widened in shock.

"_Cub?_"

"Chewie…" Han rasped. "Tell Luke to…wake the…kids."

Then his eyes rolled again and closed.

"_No! Cub!_"

But Han was unconscious once more.

"What happened?" said Luke's voice from the door.

Chewie turned.

"_He woke! For a moment! He told me to wake the 'kids'!_"

Luke looked at Leia, eyes narrowed.

"Wake the..?"

Leia shook her head.

"I'm going to call a doctor," she said and raced from the room.

"We don't have time for that," Luke whispered, and reached out toward Han.

--

"No! Please!" 

_It was barely audible, but it turned Luke's stomach. _

"_Get away from him," he whispered, knowing that neither Lakaya nor the Dream Han could hear him._

"_Why do you keep coming back?"_

_Luke turned. Han still sat in the corner, watching the memory of himself._

"_Han!" Luke said in desperation. "What does it mean?"_

_Han did not move but this time, when the Dream Han screamed, Han flinched and looked away._

"_Han! Han, What does it mean? Wake The Children?"_

_Luke did not see the movement. One moment, Han was staring at the Dream Han, the next he was standing almost face to face with Luke. _

_Luke felt suddenly very cold, and as though there were more people watching him, people he couldn't see. And when Han spoke, his voice was audible, but there were what sounded like thousands of other voices beneath his. _

"_Find us! Help us!"_

"_What?"_

_Han stepped into the light for a split second and Luke saw that both his eyes were missing, empty, bloody sockets the only evidence that they ever existed._

_He staggered backwards out of Han's grasp in shock and Han's expression saddened. _

"_You don't want to help us?"_

"_No, Han! Of course I want to help you! I just-"_

_Han "looked" down and blood began to trickle down his face, almost like tears._

"_Han please, I didn't mean to-"_

"_No," Han whispered. "It's alright. Really. I understand. I was a fool to think you could help me, anyway."_

"_No, Han! Wait!"_

_But Han had turned away and was walking back toward the bench. _

_And then Luke heard it. Han was singing. Soft but sure and in perfect Alderaanian. It was the lullaby Leia had taught him. And Han sang it even as he walked back into the shadows, that long, mournful, haunting melody that he would never forget._

_Luke shook his head._

"_Oh, Force."_

"_It's much more than that, Jedi." _

_--_

_Han shook his head as he looked at the blood covered doors. He didn't know why the kid had pulled away from him like that, only that it had hurt him beyond anything he had ever felt before._

_Didn't he want to help him? Or perhaps he had finally seen how pathetic Han was._

_He touched one of the doors. He knew that behind each and every one was a dead child, cold, lifeless and innocent. It didn't matter anymore. He would join them soon. And hen it wouldn't hurt anymore._

_--_

"_Why are you here?" Luke said as calmly as possible. _

_Lakaya, for it was she, laughed._

"_Your sister took my body and I was forced to find another."_

_Luke shook his head._

"_Leave here." _

"_I'm afraid I can't do that. He's mine now. Every moment that passes he sinks deeper into my consciousness and his body becomes mine. And when he dies, he will be mine for eternity."_

_Luke shook his head. _

"_We will find a way to get him back."_

_She laughed again._

"_No. You see, if I don't get him…"_

_She gestured to the door Luke had first come to._

"…_They will."_

--

_Han leant forward and lifted the child's head with his hand._

"_She'd want me to help you," he whispered. "She taught me to care."_

_The child did not draw breath. No pulse stirred beneath Han's fingers. But a tiny hand took hold of his own._

_Han smiled._

_--_

_Lakaya's head suddenly turned._

_Luke recognized her expression as something akin to fear._

_Then she smiled less-than-convincingly and disappeared into thin air._

_Luke whirled about and ran through the door._

_What was Han doing that could frighten Lakaya?_

--

_Han stood up and tugged a little on the child's hand. _

"_She'd want me to help you," he said. "She'd want me to. Come on."_

_Hesitantly, the child turned bloody sockets on him._

_He tugged on the child's hand again._

"_Come on."_

_The child stood and took a few steps, then recoiled in horror. For a split second, Han wondered why. Then he whirled about and saw what was scaring the child so much._

"_Leave her alone," Han said. "She's just a child."_

_Lakaya laughed._

"_Because I won't let you help them."_

"_You can't stop me," Han answered._

_Lakaya smiled._

"_Perhaps not from here," she answered._

"_Help us," said a small voice from behind Han._

_Han looked at the small child. Half her face was missing but she still managed to speak, and her voice sounded like countless others._

"_Help us! Free us!"_

_Han took her hand again and looked at Lakaya. _

"_Get out of my way. This is my mind. My body. My free will."_

_Lakaya nodded._

"_But not for long."_

"_NO!" said Han. "You put these children here. I don't know why. I don't care. But I'm going to help them."_

_Lakaya shook her head._

"_No," she smiled. "You're not going to get the chance."_

_Lakaya flung out her hands and blue electricity shot forth from her fingers. Han hit the ground with a scream._

--

Luke stiffened suddenly and Chewie caught him as he fell off the bed. He twitched for a few seconds before he lay completely still.

"No!" Leia said desperately before she turned back to Han.

Suddenly, Han's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, his eyes open and staring at hers.

"L…Leia…" he said, his voice strangled, but then his eyes rolled and his face screwed up into a grimace.

When he spoke again, his voice had changed, softer, higher, more dangerous. And he was smiling insanely.

"He's mine," he whispered, "but the Jedi almost helped him. And I can't afford to loose him now. It's a shame. He was so much more use to me alive. But I can use him dead. He's mine."

Leia realized immediately what was happening.

"Get out! Get out of his body."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, once he's gone, I can completely destroy his soul. He would be mine for eternity. Whatever you do, you will loose. Say goodbye, Princess."

"NO!"

But Han's back arched away from the bed, his eyes rolling back into his head until only the whites were visible. He began choking softly as his life signs plummeted and then he lay still, a small thin line of blood working its way down his cheek.

"Oh, Sith," said Leia. "I NEED A DOCTOR!"

--

Luke awoke slowly, unaware to start with of where he was. He turned his head and winced at the bright light.

Then he sat bolt upright as everything came flooding back.

"Easy," said a voice by his ear.

He turned his head to see a doctor standing by the bed, reading his life signs.

"What..? Where am I? Where's Han?"

The doctor's expression saddened.

"General Solo has been taken into emergency surgery. He is not expected to survive. I'm sorry."

"No!" Luke protested. "He has to live!"

"He developed internal bleeding but the scanners can't determine where. The surgeons have been working hard but he is still bleeding."

"No, I have to get to him."

He began to push back the covers but the doctor stopped him.

"I'm afraid you're not yet strong enough to-"

Luke held up a hand. This was not something he enjoyed doing and it made him feel guilty as hell, but he didn't have time for a full scale argument.

"I'm making a good recovery. I'm allowed to leave as long as I take it easy."

The doctor's face was blank and expressionless.

"You're making a good recovery. You're allowed to leave as long as you take it easy."

Luke snatched up his robe, dressed in record time and ran out of the door…And ran smack into Chewie.

"Chewie!" he said once he had cleared his mouthful of fur. "Where's Han?"

"In surgery," Chewie answered.

"You have to help me! His surgeons are in great danger!"

--

"I'm sorry, Your Highness," the doctor by her side said softly. "There is little left to do"

Leia allowed her gaze to travel back to the man on the table on the other side of the soundproof transparisteel, watching her whole life slip away before her while his did too. She wondered how this could have happened, how it could be him on that table. And, when she thought about it, she knew exactly how it had happened. One faulty communicator all those months ago at the house of Senator Algara.

Han had been forced to defend her himself, to take a shot for her, and, as a result he had been captured.

And she had learned, some of it quite recently, that he had been whipped, burned, scratched, deprived, raped and tortured far beyond anything any man should ever have to endure. And they were telling her he would die without ever being truly normal again.

And it was him on that table.

He lay there, bleeding, dying, wide open on a cold slab. And there was nothing to do but stand and watch.

--

Luke ran silently down the corridor; Jedi always moved with absolute silence. But it was rare for him to panic. He often worried, and made no secret of it, but something had driven fear into his heart.

Chewbacca, still following close behind him, felt it too but through his bind to the Corellian not the Force.

Something was very wrong.

--

"Your Highness?"

Leia tore her eyes away for a split second to glance at him before returning her gaze to Han, suddenly aware that the doctor had been trying to attract her attention for quite some time.

"The decision is yours."

"What choices do I have?"

The doctor looked at Han a moment.

"We can continue to operate or not, Your Highness."

"Neither decision will save his life."

It was not a question. And even if it had been, they both knew the answer.

"If we continue, there is little chance we will locate the source."

She looked at him.

"But there is a chance?"

"Yes…Your Highness. There is always a chance."

But rarely success, he didn't have to add.

"Then continue."

"Yes, Your Highness."

--

Luke didn't so much slow as skid to a halt outside the door, stabbing in the access code before he had fully regained his balance, almost toppling before Chewie supported him.

"Thanks Chewie, Leia!"

She turned sharply.

"Stop them operating."

"What!" she said even as Chewie roared his own objection.

"Trust me!" Luke replied frantically, holding up his hands to stave off the apparently imminent Wookiee/Princess attack. "There's something wrong here. You know that."

She hesitated.

"Please, Leia if we don't-"

A shrill continuous beep cut him off and he staggered backwards. Han was flatlining.

"No!" she screamed, pressing both hands to the transparisteel, but Luke grabbed her arm.

"No," he said urgently. "He's still alive!"

"What!"

"He's still alive but the machines, the monitors, they can't pick it up. She's inside of him and she's blocking it! I can feel her! She's standing there watching him!"

The surgeons had stopped working and were readying the defibrillators.

"Wait!" said Leia, realizing too late that they were about to electrocute a live man, unable to tell them through the soundproof transparisteel.

But as the surgeon warned his companions with a harsh and frantic "clear", the hair on the back of Luke's neck, and Leia's, stood on end.

"Oh, Force…" Luke whispered.

--

_Han twisted._

"_No! You won't do this to me!"_

_He looked at the children. They stood there cowering, slowly sinking to the floor again._

_Han's head whipped around and he stared at her._

_Then, with a cry of fury, he flung out his arms towards her._

_And the lightning reversed._

--

The surgeon forced the pads down on Han's chest…. And was immediately thrown backwards across the room into the wall where he crashed into a tray of instruments and slumped to the ground, out cold. But the energy from the pads had already been transferred.

Blue bolts of energy crackled around Han's body, cocooning it in blue lightning until the defib, and the monitors, and the various lights the room was filled with began to whine. Leia's eyes widened and Luke stumbled backwards.

The whine grew, and grew, as did the lightning that was somehow encasing his body without visibly harming him.

"Han..!" Luke croaked, almost as if he didn't see Leia anymore.

And suddenly, the whine died, the energy disappeared and, for approximately two seconds, there was complete and utter silence.

And then Han convulsed, his nerves finally reacting to the defib. The lamps exploded in a shower of sparks and hot glass, all the monitors save the heart monitor, emitting columns of blue white flame from their vents. The heart monitor was now reading Han's heartbeat, although the line now resembled a two years old's scrawl with no two readings the same. The individual heartbeats were no longer distinguishable.

Han, lying on the table and effectively bleeding out, was still lit by the light from the small observation room Leia, Luke and Chewie were standing in. Luke's face was twisted into a grimace but, although Leia could feel the pain too, she was staring straight at Han.

His head had lolled to the side when he had convulsed and was now turned towards her, his face drawn, deathly pale.

And then his eyes opened.

Leia screamed, Luke fainted and Chewie, catching Luke, roared.

But Han stared at Leia, unblinking, the beautiful hazel of his eyes replaced with a harsh jet black.

And Han sat up. He swung his legs off the table, pulled the wires and drips from his body and stood, the sheet somehow remaining around him. Leia took a step back as she saw that he had not yet been sewn up, and then another as the laser scalpel, among other things, lifted from the tray of their own accord and started to dig around inside of Han.

Other instruments lifted and worked, as though moved by invisible hands, until, finally, the dermalaser lifted and hovered in front of Han, closing his stomach. Leia had to force herself not to vomit but to stare into the black voids that pierced her soul, and he had stared, seemingly oblivious to the upright operation being performed in him, right until then.

He blinked and she did too.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I know," he said, in Corellian. "I love you too."

Why was he speaking in Corellian? And how could she hear him? The glass was soundproof.

He turned away and moved toward the doors of the theatre. One of the nurses rushed forward and with a hypospray full of the maximum amount of sedative, but Han seemed not to notice her. It was only when she pressed it to his shoulder that he turned dark eyes on her. She cowered as he advanced – it had not had any effect – backing herself into the wall.

He followed until she had nowhere to go. Then he leant forward until his eyes were level with hers and put both hands to her neck.

"No!" Leia shouted. "Han, don't!"

"Niei va," he whispered, then walked to the locked door, held his hand out, swept that hand to the side, and the door opened for him.

Leia stood, dumbstruck for a few moments, before she turned to Chewie. Luke was still unconscious in his arms. Then it had not been Luke's doing.

She turned back to the room of surgeons, pressed the intercom and said,

"Are you alright?"

"Y-Yes…" the nurse replied. "He…He said 'thank you'."

"Right," said Leia. "Come on. We've got to find him."


	8. Freedom

Leia ran down the corridor, following what she could feel of Han's presence, and she could feel the light of his existence flickering.

"Don't do this to us, Han," she whispered to herself. "Not now. Not after everything."

But a voice answered her.

_I have to end this, Leia. Please understand. I love you. I'll always love you._

Leia shook her head and turned sharply.

"Come on, Chewie. I know where he's going."

-

_He pushed her backwards with her own force, his blood roaring in his ears._

"_You won't do this to us," he said. "Not anymore!"_

_She writhed on the ground and screamed, but Han didn't stop._

"_When others writhe in darkness," he shouted, "she will stand in light!"_

_Lakaya tried in vain to fight back._

"_When they are blind, she will _make_ them see!"_

_She screamed at him, but he only smiled._

"_When they are in agony she will ease their pain."_

_At last he dropped is hands to his sides. Lakaya lay on the ground, moving slowly._

"_You should know what it is to feel pain – real pain."_

_She laughed, painfully but still strong. _

"_You can't kill me," she said. "You can't kill me."_

_Han shook his head._

"_You're only here because you're already dead. I'm not going to kill you – I'm going to destroy you."_

_He flung his hands forward again and the lightning came from his own hands. He could feel the power swelling, like a dark flood, rising up inside him, giving him the strength to project this electricity. _

_It felt cold. It felt dark._

_It felt good._

_-_

"No!" Luke shouted suddenly, whacking his head on the roof of the speeder without noticing. "Don't give in to the dark side! Please, Han!"

_-_

"_Don't give in to the dark side!"_

_That voice. He recognised it. _

_What..? Who..?_

_The dark side? Was that what this was? The pain, the electricity he was inflicting on her?_

"_Please, Han."_

_Han? Was that his name?_

_He dropped his hands and turned away. The children were watching him with hopeful expressions on what was left of their faces. _

_He held out a hand._

"_Come on," he whispered. _

_Two of the children ran forward and took his hands. The rest swarmed towards him and waited, some looking at him, some looking at Lakaya. With some it was hard to tell where they were looking, their eyes damaged or missing. But they seemed to know their way._

_He looked at Lakaya one last time, and walked away._

-

"Where is he?" Luke said, coming to to find himself in the back of a high-power speeder

"Right now it looks like he's headed back to the ridge."

"What?" Luke asked, head pounding.

"The ridge," Leia repeated. "The clearing where he stopped the day he crashed."

"Why?" said Luke.

"I don't know," said Leia. "I think he's going to jump."

-

"_Where are we going?"_

_The little child looked up at him hopefully._

"_We're going to take you all home."  
_

"_You've come to help us?" asked another._

"_Yes," Han whispered. "I've come to help you."_

"_How?"_

"_By setting you free. I'm going to set us all free. And then she won't be able to hurt us anymore."_

-

"Look, there he goes!" said Leia, as Chewie roared much the same.

"He's not going to jump," Luke whispered. "He's not going to jump! _They're_ going to jump!"

Leia looked at him.

"What?"

-

"_Where are we going?"_

Han glanced at the small child who sat on his lap as the speederbike raced through traffic. He waved his hand and the bike changed direction.

"We're going to where I used to take her," he answered, completely unaware he was speaking Corellian and that the child understood him anyway.

The child turned its head.

"_Who's her?"_

Han thought for a moment.

"I don't remember her name," he said sadly.

The child's expression seemed to project sympathy.

"_You don't remember her name?"_

Han shook his head.

"No. But she's beautiful. She's kind and she's beautiful and she loves me. And she'd want me to help you."

The child nodded.

"Look," said Han. "We're here."

-

Leia jumped out of the speeder and raced toward the clearing, praying she wasn't too late. Luke was hot on her heels, silent as always. Chewie was just as fast.

"Han!" she called. "Han!"

-

"Han!"

Han turned his head.

"That's her now," he said softly.

-

She finally broke through the trees and was astounded at what she saw. There was Han. And, not only was he fully dressed, but he was armed.

Standing around him were children, too many to count, and they were all mutilated and bleeding to the extent that they should all have been dead. But instead, they turned to face her.

"Dirsk," Han said to the one next to him, still in his native language. "Corine niede. Me jhlandise va."

"What did he say?" Leia whispered.

"/There/" Chewie started to translate. "/She came. I told you./"

One of the children said something to him, whispered it, and he lifted the child into his arms and smiled.

"Nierts, Corine eil e grosch va," he said to the child. "Te se oeur por va so alei orijin mainet."

"/No, she won't hurt you," Chewie translated. "/It's time for you to go home now./"

Leia took one step forward, but Han flung out his hand and she found herself frozen, unable to move a muscle.

"Al e nied prochsima, va eil sinyulari yierde grosch."

"/Don't come near, you'll only get hurt./"

She couldn't move when she tried to go forwards but when she tried to move backwards she realized she was able to.

"Han, what's going on?" Luke said as he slowed to a halt beside Leia.

"Me es envoiei skah orijin," he said in Corellian. "Uet me es aleias so detruijhre Cori."

"/I'm sending them home. And I'm going to destroy her./"

"How?" Luke whispered. "They don't have any presence in the force. How can you possibly-"

"Al va ves quea skeh on?" Han asked softly.

"/Do you know who they are/"

Luke shook his head.

"Jhan. Esch fenal en ro skah."

There was a long silence.

"Chewie?" said Leia quietly.

"/Souls. Every last one of them./"

"Souls?"

"/Yes/" Chewie said as Han continued. "/They're all souls. She put them here to destroy me. They have cried for help. Plagued my nightmares. She put them here to drive me insane when she entered my body. They have haunted me day and night and now we're all going to be free./"

"Not if I can help it."

Leia's blood froze. She turned, praying to every God and Goddess she knew that that voice was not the one she remembered. But as she turned she saw a tall, slender woman, with pale skin, large eyes, a wicked smile and hair that seemed to have a life of its own.

"Lakaya," she breathed. "How..?"

Luke drew his lightsaber but, before he could even prepare himself, it was gone, torn from his hand. Leia was reminded of Vader's effortless attempt to relieve Han of his weapon when they had first walked into the dining hall on Bespin. But when she turned to look, it was Han's who had taken Luke's weapon without ever touching it.

"He has the Force!" Luke whispered.

"/You don't need this weapon now/" Chewie translated as Han spoke quietly. "/It can't help anyone. She's only a projection; a shadow of what she was./"

"Don't you want them to fight me?" Lakaya smirked.

"They don't need to," Han answered in Corellian.

She laughed coldly and flung her hands out toward him, blue lightening rushing forward from her fingertips. Leia shrieked, Luke yelled, "No!"

But Han stood still, his head cocked to one side, and the lightning stopped short a foot or so away from his body.

"NO!" Lakaya wailed. "This cannot be!"

"/It's a shame/" Chewie translated as Han started talking again, "/that you took so many lives. You didn't kill them as children. I know that. But the weakness you caused, the pain you inflicted. That is why they appear as children. Because that was the extent of their vulnerability. That is what you reduced them to./"

"Then why are…" Leia began.

Han, to her surprise, faced her and answered.

"Skeh on dos jhan ro esch cor uet cori corine iers ifir ecstimerne. Uet skeh oni colt sirdsk ni detruijhre mes,"

"/They are the souls of every man and woman she has ever murdered. And they were put here to destroy me./"

"Destroy you?" said Leia.

"/First they were to drive me insane through pleas and cries I could not answer, then they were to take my soul from me and give it to her before she was to cast it into Enozdaed, the seventh Hell. But she didn't understand that they would rather be free than destroy another. So they have taken her power. And they have given it to me./"

As Han finished talking and Chewie finished translating, Han cast a glance at Lakaya and waved his hand at her absently, and she flew backwards with a shriek, her powers apparently having no effect.

"Nied," he said to the children, turning away from Leia, from Luke, from Chewie and from Lakaya. "Te se oeur."

"/Come. It is time./"

"Time for what?" Leia said desperately, finding she was still unable to get any closer to Han as he walked slowly toward the other side of the clearing where, she knew, there was a three hundred foot drop.

He turned to face her once he, and all the children, were lined up by the cliff edge. The sun was just beginning to rise.

"Dajhschkol, mer kier. Te se oeur por des corse ni drosch."

"/Goodbye, my love. It is time for this body to die./"

Leia's eyes widened.

"No, Han, you can't!"

But he smiled sadly.

"I have to," he said, in clearer, deeper, more emotional basic than she had ever heard him use before, as if every emotion he had was in those words, as if only now was he able to speak.

And, slowly, he began to guide the children, one at a time, over the edge of the cliff. But, instead of falling, they kept walking out into the air, fading with each step they took until, one by one, they disappeared.

Lakaya, unable to move where she lay, screamed in agony, similarly fading with each child that was freed, and Han knew why. Her power lay with them.

And, when the last child had walked into the sunrise, and she had faded into nothingness he turned back to them to smile one last time, the blackness gone from his eyes, the sparkling hazel there once again.

"When they lie in darkness, she will stand in light. When they are blind, she will make them see. When they are lost she will find them. When they are in agony, she will ease the suffering."

The sad smile he wore grew pained.

"I love you," he whispered, his voice choked, thick with emotion.

Then he turned back toward the cliff edge and squared his shoulders, singing that lullaby to himself softly.

Leia started forwards.

Wait! Forwards!

Of course! Lakaya was gone! Han had no power with which to hold them back anymore!

"Luke!" she shouted as Han took his final determined steps.

Luke flew forwards and dove, just as Han disappeared.

-

Han wondered why he was not falling, why he had not been allowed to.

He looked up and saw a face he had not expected.

"Let me go," he whispered as he hung from Luke's hand. "Please. Let me go."

"No," Luke said, fighting tears that he could not control. "We didn't come this far to loose you now."

Han shook his head.

"Please-"

"No!"

"Please, Luke. If you love me, let me go!"

Luke looked into the eyes, saw the pain and suffering they had endured, saw the love they harbored, saw the fear and anguish they possessed. Han's word's misted his own eyes. If you love me. Was there truly no other way to put an end to Han's suffering.

"_Please,_ Luke," he whispered. "_Please_."

Luke stared. The world seemed to have moved into slow motion. He could see this man before him, relying on him. He could see the rocks far below. He could see the sunrise and he knew that if he just opened his fingers and let Han go that this pain would be over.

He took a deep breath.

"No," he answered.

-

Leia rushed forward as Luke pulled Han back up again. For a moment, it looked like they were going to loose him.

But Han stared at Luke, his eyes burning into Luke's soul.

"Don't you see?" Luke asked. "That's it."

"No," Han whispered. "One more."

Luke frowned.

"Han, there's no-one left. You did it. They're all free, she's gone!"

"No," Han said again. "There's one more."

The trees around them twisted suddenly and the sky darkened. Stone walls grew from the ground, obscuring Leia and Chewie and everything else from view. Hard slabs covered the grass.

_Han's eyes bored into Luke's for a moment longer and then Han stepped to one side. Behind him, Luke saw the other Han – the Dream Han – hanging in the center of the cell._

_Luke shook his head as Han walked past._

"_Han," he said desperately._

_Han continued to walk toward the Dream Han and answered in a voice that was soft, low._

"_I have to let go," he said. "How can I move on if the memories live?"_

"_What are you going to do?"_

_Han paused and cocked his head as though listening to the question echo off the walls. Then he drew himself up to his full height._

"_I'm going to finish this – make it all no more than a bad dream."_

_He walked around the Dream Han to face him and touched a hand to his face. The Dream Han opened his eyes and, because he lacked the strength to do so for himself, Han lifted his head._

_Hope flickered in the Dream Han's eyes._

"_You came back for me?" he whispered._

_Han nodded._

"_Yes," he murmured._

_Panic crossed the Dream Han's face._

"_But Lakaya," he whispered, her name sending chills down Han's spine. "What if she-"_

"_She's dead," Han said simply. "I killed her. She can't hurt you anymore."_

_The Dream Han stared for a moment, eyes liquid with hope and the expectance of having that hope destroyed. But when no mocking laugher came, nor stinging rebuke, the Dream Han hung his head, shoulders shaking silently, weeping as relief overcame him._

"_Oh, Gods…" he whispered, his chains clinking softly as he shook, "oh, Gods..."_

_Frowning, but never looking directly into the Dream Han's eyes, Han removed his jacket. He dropped it onto the ground a few feet away and then reached up to support his counterpart. The Dream Han moaned softly but let Han support his weight._

_Han reached up and opened the chains simply by tugging them open, keeping his hold on the Dream Han as he fell forward._

_Slowly, he lowered them both to the ground and cradled the Dream Han's upper body in his arms. He lifted his discarded jacket and settled it across the Dream Han's exposed hips, providing him modestly he had not had for far too long. The Dream Han had begun to shiver and turned his head toward Han's chest._

"_Tired…" he breathed._

_Han nodded._

"_Yeah, I know. It's all alright now."_

"_Han?" asked the Dream Han, brow furrowing, eyes narrowing, as though he hadn't realized who it was before._

"_Yeah?"_

_The Dream Han hardly moved, but his eyes took in both Han and his surroundings. He couldn't see Luke from where he was. He smiled tiredly._

"_I'm dying, aren't I?"_

_Han nodded._

"_Yes."_

_The Dream Han closed his eyes a moment._

"_Can't feel…my body…" he wheezed._

_Han shook his head. The Dream Han attempted to laugh but succeeded only in forcing a little air from his lungs in a few short gasps._

"_Probably…just as well…huh..?"  
_

_Han frowned again._

"_I'm going to help you," Han said._

_He drew a long thin knife._

"_What are you going to do!" Luke said suddenly._

_Han looked up at him sharply._

"_I'm going to do what you should have done when you found me. I'm going to help him die."_

_He looked at the man in his arms._

"_It's okay," said the Dream Han._

_Han smiled sadly._

"_I know."_

_Han brought the knife forward and touched it to the Dream Han's side. But then he stopped and looked back into the Dream Han's eyes._

"_I'm afraid," he said softly._

_The Dream Han nodded._

"_Me too."_

_There was a long silence as Han looked the Dream Han's failing body up and down._

"_Do it," the Dream Han said. "Now."_

_Without breaking eye contact, Han forced the knife forward. The Dream Han gasped suddenly, but Han didn't stop until the knife was in up to the hilt, ignoring the nausea he felt when he met with resistance. It was only a second or so before he felt blood, warm and sticky, spilling onto his hands._

_With a movement that was rougher than he intended, Han pulled the knife out of the Dream Han's side. The Dream an cried out softly as the metal left his flesh, but, as Han threw the knife, the Dream Han smiled._

_Luke was blinking rapidly, trying still to stave of tears._

_The Dream Han's breathing was ragged, each breath harder to take than the one before it._

"_That's it," the Dream Han said. "It's over."_

_Han nodded again. The Dream Han's smile flickered and he stretched out a hand. Han took it, surprised at the strength that remained in the grasp. The Dream Han stared up at him, eyes turning glassy._

"_Tell her…" he murmured._

_Han lifted the Dream Han's head to try and aid his breathing but his mouth only filled with blood._

_The Dream Han smiled again._

"_Tell her everything," he whispered. "And tell her I love her."_

_The dream Han's eyes closed and he sighed, expelling his last breath. And then he, too began to fade. But as the Dream Han's body began to fade, each wound he sustained opened in replica on Han's body. Han hung his head so that Luke could not see as every cut, laceration and abrasion bled, each bruise blossomed._

_Finally, the Dream Han was gone, leaving not even a drop of blood behind him, Han's jacket crumpling to the floor. Han winced as the old wounds opened themselves across his body._

"_Han?" Luke asked, suddenly aware of the wounds as blood soaked through Han's shirt._

"_Oh," Han whispered. "Leia…"_

_Around them, the dream world dissolved, the sky brightening once more. Han lay unconscious on the grass, bleeding._

"_What happened?" Leia and Chewie asked simultaneously, rushing forward._

"_It's over," Luke assured her. "It's all over now. Chewie? Help me get him back to the hospital."_


	9. My All

Leia watched as the nurse tucked the corners of the clean sheets into the empty bed. She watched as the nurse arranged the pillows for the next patient. She had even watched as the nurse cleared away the last of Han's things.

She looked around the empty room and thought about the past few weeks of sitting by Han's bedside. He had been in so much pain that they had kept him sedated for the first three weeks after he'd come out of the bacta.

He hadn't woken at all since that morning on the ridge. She had talked to him, of course, but his eyes hadn't opened even once.

The room seemed strangely lifeless now he wasn't there, the air, oddly cold.

She ran her hand along the smooth bar at the end of the bed, remembering the way he'd been.

"Would you like to take these now, Your Highness?"

Leia looked up at the nurse who was holding out to her Han's personal effects and his clothes.

Gratefully, she took them.

"Thank you," she whispered.

As Leia stood to leave she looked around the room one last time, sighing softly.

"Are you alright, your Highness?" the nurse asked before she, too, left the vacant room.

"Yes, I'm…just fine."

"Are you going home now?" she asked.

Leia nodded.

"Yes. Han will be waking up soon.

It could almost have been a dream. He woke to complete darkness and almost complete silence, but there was someone else in the room. He could sense them, feel their presence.

_Great,_ he thought groggily. _I'm turning into the Kid._

But there was someone there.

He tried to moved his arm, to sit himself up, but found that it took all of the effort he possessed to simply keep his eyes open.

Perhaps he would have better luck with speaking. He attempted 'Leia' to begin with, for it was most likely she who was near to him.

"Luuurghh..?"

He almost laughed at himself. That was too quiet for anyone to hear. And, more to the point,

_Who in blazes is 'Luuurghh'?_

He tried again.

"Leiuuurghh..?"

Well, that was a _little_ better.

He felt soft, slender fingers brush the hair from his forehead and, after trying instinctively to flinch away, managed to move his eyes enough to see that she was beside him.

"Leuuurghh..." he tried again. "I lurghh ooo..."

He saw her smile and she leant down to him.

"I love you too," she whispered and kissed his forehead.

Again, an instinctive jerk disrupted his first train of thought before Han allowed his eyes to close for a second as she kissed him and then opened them slowly.

"Whereemi..?"

Leia's smile deepened, the soft glow in her eyes, and it warmed him, despite the pain he was beginning to feel.

"You're in a bed, Han."

He tried to shake his head but just about managed to close his eyes and frown a little.

"No, Imeen..."

"I know, I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry. You're in your own bed, Han. You got here yesterday. Before that you were in the hospital for a month or so. Do you remember?"

"Nurgh."

"That's okay," she murmured. "They said you wouldn't for a while."

He moved his fingers a little with a whimper and she felt the movement and took his hand, frowning slightly at the twitch it gave.

"Shh," she whispered, touching her lips to his forehead gently. "Shh, it's all okay now."

He jumped, then closed his eyes and lay still a moment, and then nuzzled into the kiss, turning his head and raising it, parting his dry, cracked lips. He heard gentle laughter and then the brush of lips against his skin, and finally, after what seemed an eternity, she kissed him, with feather light caresses on his lips - the new flesh there was not strong enough to take more than such treatment - and supported his head with her hand. For a moment he froze, but he determined to try.

_This is Leia. You're home. You're safe. She loves you._

She felt his lips move in response, barely open, but grateful for the contact.

They remained like that for a long time, with her bestowing the lightest kisses upon his torn lips, and him reveling in the feeling. It was his own bed, but, when he thought about it, it mattered not where he was, be it Coruscant or Dagobah. She was with him now and always would be. They were together: He was home.

In the next few days, Han regained enough strength to move around their home. This particular afternoon, they lay together, stretched out on the couch, he working, she simply there to keep him company. He leaned back into her breast and allowed himself to be wrapped in her small arms as he studied his datapad, frowning at the conflicting ideas, his eyes aching. She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. He hardly flinched at all now when she touched him.

"Han?"

Han looked up from his datapad and squinted at her in the bright light of the lounge.

"I'm going to bed now."

He smiled.

"Okay," he whispered. "I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded and walked to their bed. She was going to spend tonight alone because he still couldn't sleep in the same bed as her. She wanted him to be completely comfortable and willing before they attempted any intimacy.

And, what with his original ordeal, it had been six months since they had last made love. She recalled their night on the Falcon on the way to Senator Algara's house and wished she could go to Han, take him where he stood. But she would wait as she knew she had to.

Leia was busy trying to make sure the fry up didn't burn. She moved the first pan onto the hob that wasn't heated, and then she turned to the other one, only to find Han in the way, seemingly distraught. He almost looked like he was going to cry.

"Han!" she said, turning down the heat on the second pan and taking a step closer. "What's wrong?"

"I…" he started, then looked down at his bare feet. "I…I missed you."

She laughed softly.

"But, Han," she said, "I only got up to make breakfast ten minutes ago."

"I went into the bedroom and you weren't there," he said quietly.

"Oh, Han," she whispered, touching her hand to his face.

Suddenly enough to take her by surprise, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, burying his head in her neck, pulling her as close as he could possibly get her, holding her tightly. For a moment she was stunned and simply let him, then she closed her own arms about him and returned the embrace.

"Han," she said softly into the hollow of his neck. "I'm not going to leave, you know."

"Just checking," he mumbled. "I just…I needed a hug. I-Is that okay?"

"Of course that's okay! Han, what…Are you sure that's all?"

"I just needed to hold you. I wanted you to hold me. I just wanted…you."

She reached up and stroked the back of his head, crooning gently.

"That's okay, Han. That's just fine. I'm here."

He pulled away.

" 'Kay, bye," he said simply, and left the kitchen.

Han lay on the couch on his own. She would probably be gone all day. She was still an important figure and, despite his state of well-being, she had work to do. He let his head rock back against the arm of the couch and closed his eyes for second.

But there was an odd sound, like a breeze, a soft hissing. His leg itched but he ignored it. Until the itch moved. It tickled right up his shin and there was a sudden shooting pain in his knee. He sat up with a sharp cry and slapped at his knee, pausing when he felt a small squelch.

He looked around. Where was that hissing coming from?

And then he saw it. All over the floor were hundreds upon hundreds of Cerean Blood Parasites.

"No!" he shouted, but they swarmed up over the couch and enveloped him.

"Agh! NO!"

"Easy, Han!" Leia's voice said softly, and he felt warm hands at his back and shoulder.

He looked around, completely confused.

"That was one hell of a nightmare," Leia said softly.

He was still on the couch, but it was dark and his work was strewn across the floor.

"Nightmare?" he gasped, out of breath.

"Blood parasites again?"

"Yeah," he nodded, hanging his head and closing his eyes while she kneaded his shoulders. "Leia?"

She stopped and leant forward.

"What is it?" she asked softly, brushing the hair from his forehead.

He looked at her, eyes dark but bright. Perhaps a ghost of a smile crossed his face. Then he held up his arms.

"Hold me."

It was decidedly cosy in the dark at this time of night, especially lying side by side on the longest couch in the room.

Han stared into the fire and snuggled a little closer to her. She hugged him a little tighter and turned her head into his hair.

He moved his head to look at her and twined his fingers with hers.

She craned her neck, bringing her face toward his, watching the firelight play in the dark hazel of his eyes. Then she smiled and brushed her lips against his, as though testing his response. When she drew away, he ran the tip of his tongue over his lips. Then he looked up at her eyes again.

"Leia," he whispered.

She raised her hand to his face and kissed him again, a little longer, a little more insistently.

His arms slid about her and he pulled her closer. One of her legs found its way between his and their legs wove together. Leia felt his hands snake up the back of her shirt and tentatively tried the movement on him.

"Wait," he whispered.

She pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to…I won't force you into this, Han."

"I wish you would," he murmured.

"What?"

"I said 'I wish you would.' Maybe if you pushed me I…I'd do it."

"No, Han," she answered, the way he knew she would. "No."

"Leia, I…"

She smoothed his cheek.

"Han?"

"It's not that I don't want to, Leia. I want to, I love you. I want nothing, nothing, more than to just, touch you, just…but…I…"

She ran her fingers through his hair .

"It's just that…every time I touch you…I…I see her…"

He ducked his head as though it were something to be ashamed of and he drew a ragged breath.

She put her arms around him and drew him as close as she could.

"Six months, Han," she whispered into his hair. "It's a long time to keep your feelings inside, even for you."

He gasped and shook his head.

"No…" he whispered.

"It's alright, Han," she said. "It's just you and me. You've shed tears for the pain, I know that, I saw it, but not for the rest. Let it go, Han. Let it go."

He gasped once, twice, groaned softly into her collarbone and finally let the pain and fear, the anguish and the shame, the hate and the sadness of the last six months flow.

She held him all night. And all night he wept.

Han stared out over Coruscant city and smiled. His shirt was open and he was in the most comfortable slacks he had. He had a kochvit bottle in his hand and he leant on the railing with a soft smile on his lips.

Small hands slid around his waist and a warm body pressed its entire length along his back. A head rested between his shoulder blades.

"Hey," he said gently, turning in her arms to face her.

"Hi," she responded and pressed a kiss to his sternum. "How are you…Oh!"

Without any warning whatsoever, the heavens opened and a downpour started. She smiled and he shrugged his shoulders, and then they both laughed, ending up holding onto each other for support.

When they finally stopped laughing, Han looked at her, his eyes warm but his face serious.

"We've been here before," he said, remembering all those months ago when she had held him on the chaises-longue until he had fallen into slumber.

He reached up and ran the back of his hand along her cheek, then stroked her lips with his thumb as the water trickled down her forehead, plastering their clothes to their skin.

"Han," she whispered.

But he did not let her finish. Instead, he kissed her.

Her arms slid around his waist and up his back, straining him to her, pushing her fingers up further into the thick dark hair, sodden with warm rain. He groaned into her mouth and she pulled away to look at him.

"No," he said desperately, "don't. Don't give me time to think. If you give me time to think I'll-"

She kissed him again and his hands roamed her back, pushing one of his legs, then the other, between hers. She lifted one leg and felt in front of her the hard length that could only – finally – be his erection.

Yes! 

Still they kissed, their tongues meeting and dancing as they did.

She trailed one hand down his stomach and stroked his hip, moving her hand a little lower with each caress.

Lightning flashed over the city and the thunder crashed almost instantaneously.

Han flinched away suddenly, ducking instinctively head turned to the sky, hands suddenly above his head to stave of the 'attack.'

"Han," she said. "It's not-"

"I'm sorry," he said shakily, taking a step back and then shaking his head. "I…I'm sorry!"

And he ran into the house without another word.

Leia ran a hand over her eyes and then sighed. So close.

Han sat by the fire, a blanket surrounding him. He was almost dry now. So were his clothes on the hearth. His hair wasn't damp any longer.

He shivered involuntarily when he remembered what had happened. Damn everything!

They had been so close. Why couldn't he just make love to her?

He could feel the pain in his soul and it threatened to envelop him, even as he sat there. He knew that, even though it was getting easier to touch her, it was getting harder to be more intimate. Soon it would be impossible.

He stared into the flames for a moment. Then he pushed the blanket off his shoulders and stood.

Leia lay in the bed on her side, staring at nothing. The room was almost completely dark, so dark that it was a good few minutes before her eyes adjusted.

The sheets were cold for a good while after that and even when they had warmed, she still felt empty. There was a deep ache inside her that was more than frustration. It was almost pain. All she wanted was to hold him close, to wake up beside him.

She hugged the quilt a little tighter and closed her eyes, trying to sleep. It was only a few seconds later that she opened them again, however, when tears prickled beneath the lids.

And then she stopped breathing when she felt the covers being drawn back and the mattress dip behind her before a solid warmth settled at her back. Soft kisses rained down on her neck and an arm slid about her waist.

The firm hardness of his arousal at the small of her back triggered a craving too long forgotten, a warmth too long lain dormant. When she turned onto her back to look at him, he hovered over her, eyes dark but crystal clear. There was so much emotion in those eyes; fear, love, lust, sadness, desperation, she saw it all and felt it, too.

The arm on which he supported himself partially touched her back and she understood just what it was she felt.

"You're trembling," she whispered.

"I'm not trembling," he answered with barely any hesitation.

"I love you because of who you are, Han. I always have."

He shook his head.

"I thought you liked nice men."

She touched his face.

"You're a nice man."

"No," he said, remembering the hurt he had caused her, how worried she had been, how angry, how upset, "I'm not; I'm-"

She kissed him, and he melted against her with a soft groan. Gradually he shifted his body until he lay between her legs, but he never stopped kissing her.

When she finally let go of him, she lay back and rested her arms at her sides at he shoulder level. This had to be something he did for himself.

He bent slowly and kissed her neck for a moment before pulling away and staring at her.

"Here," she whispered, reaching forward to take his hand.

When she had done this, she lifted their entwined hands to the top of her nightgown, and then began to unlace it. She didn't open the nightgown, just waited.

Slowly, he slid his hands inside and palmed her breasts, and she closed her eyes as he lifted her body and pushed her nightgown back off her shoulders. Then he kissed her neck, and her clavicle, and the swell of her breasts, then took one aching nipple into his mouth.

She ran her fingertips down his spine and he shuddered, from her caress or his own feelings, she did not know.

Slowly he slid his hands down her sides and then pushed his arms around her waist.

"Leia, please," he whispered.

And with those words, she knew without asking what it was he wanted.

She lowered her hands too and, wordlessly, she held him as he entered her body.

"Wait!" he said suddenly.

"What it is?" she whispered.

_Please don't, Han. Please, you're so close._

He turned his body a little and pushed back the covers. When she looked bemused, he nuzzled her breast again and gave his explanation.

"I…I want to see you…"

She pushed her fingers into his hair again and he lowered his head and kissed her, both of them gasping when he began to move. Slowly but without further hesitation, he moved them both to climax.

"Leia," he said as he groaned into her neck, but he raised his upper body and repeated her name. "Leia?"

She arched beneath him and gasped softly.

"Leia, look at me, love, please," he said, his voice a plea.

She opened her eyes and her gaze found his as they both peaked together. And then, when his arms could no longer support him, he returned to kissing her neck, their faces wet with tears, their own and each other's.

"Han," she whispered.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she answered.

Then they kissed again and returned to their lovemaking.

When, finally, they lay exhausted in each other's arms, it was long into the night. As her own breathing returned to normal, she listened to his. It was almost back to its natural rhythm, calmer and deeper than it had been in a long, long time.

Gently, she stroked his upper and as his fingers caressed her back. His eyes were closed, but he was not sleeping, for it was he who broke the silence first.

"When they lie in darkness, she will stand in light."

Leia's blood froze.

"When they are blind, she will make them see."

"What?" she whispered, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing.

"When they are lost she will find them."

She pulled away and lifted herself, leaning over him. He turned onto his back and opened his eyes, smiling as he stroked her cheek.

"When _I _was in agony, _you _were there to ease _my_ suffering."

He laughed softly.

"Don't you see, Leia? The woman standing in the light, the woman who found the lost? The lullaby I sang all that time ago? It was you. It was you all along; my memories of you kept me alive."

He shook his head, eyes glistening.

"_You_ are the reason I came back. You _brought me _back."

She understood him, and tears came to her own eyes. He had come back for her. Their love had saved him.

"My one, my love," he said, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

And, just before he kissed her, he whispered,

"My All."


End file.
